One Messed Up Night
by Iradai Lostrengo
Summary: One Messed Up Night, where, after a drunken night with Gin, Nnoitra finds out that a night with Szayel will end up with a greater commitment than he thought. Something happened and my dividers disappeared. Sorry!
1. Seeing Pink

**One Messed Up Night**

Chapter 1: Seeing Pink

"Shit, I have the worst headache," Nnoitra complained, walking the halls of Las Noches, following Ulquiorra as he patrolled, "I don't even remember what I did last night."

"Do you ever remember what you did the prior night in the morning?" The dreary-faced Espada replied, hands tucked into his hakama. Nnoitra pondered the thought for a moment.

"I sometimes do," he finally said, "but seriously...I woke up alone in my bed this morning, so I think I had a fun time!"

"Yes." Ulquiorra said flatly. Nnoitra couldn't figure the guy out; he was always so cold, and yet, he had that super-hot redheaded pet in his custody. Whenever Nnoitra would ask, Ulquiorra would just brush it off as if women weren't something be chased. _You'd think he was gay or something!_

"Allllright." Nnoitra said, slinking away from the depressing creature and, whistling, his hands in his hakama, he mindlessly roamed the halls of the palace. It wasn't long until he met Ichimaru Gin; the silver fox's smile annoyed Nnoitra more than Ulquiorra's lifelessness.

"I never noticed how thin the walls of Las Noches were, eh Spoony?" Gin prodded, elbowing Nnoitra in the side, or, the equivalent pelvis on the tall Espada. Gin blocked the hallway Nnoitra was walking, and with his pounding headache, he didn't feel like pulverising the little bugger, and he wasn't the type to turn back, either. _He knows about last night, _Nnoitra thought with a smile, _maybe I can scare the info out of him._

"What did you hear you little turd?" Nnoitra roared, shoving Gin in the shoulder. The silver-haired man's smile didn't falter.

"You don't remember, do you?" Gin's smile grew wider.

"It was your sake," Nnoitra growled, grabbing Gin's collar, lifting him off the ground, "I don't remember shit! What happened? _Tell me!_"

Gin laughed, finding the incident a lot funnier than Nnoitra, "shall I tell you? Well, you'd sure find out soon enough," he chuckled and Nnoitra shook him furiously, "Alright! Let's just say...last night, you weren't seeing red, you were seeing _pink_!"

Nnoitra dropped the ex-shinigami and clattered down the hall towards the laboratory to a chorus of laughter from Gin. _Shit shit shit shit shit..._The memories were flooding back to him; memories he'd rather forget.

He burst through the doors of the lab moments later, his shoes slipping on the black tile floor, but never losing his momentum as he hurdled across the room. Szayel was on the other side of the long, straight lab, hunched over a bubbling beacon full of a mysterious blue substance labelled _'Essence of Pantera'_. Nnoitra screeched to a stop against a workbench, causing the table to wobble and nearly tip over.

"Please, Jiruga, you're going to break something," Szayel said without so much as looking up from his work, "I mean, if you didn't already break it last night."

Nnoitra's face went red with rage and, regrettably, embarrassment, "tell me this is a dream!"

"You've probably only dreamt of that before," Szayel muttered, "but no, sadly, I wasted myself on _you_ last night."

"No!" The tall Espada screamed, sounding much like a dying cow, falling to his knees, "_fuck_!"

"Yes, exactly." Szayel 's warm amber eyes fell upon the squirming Nnoitra. Sighing indifferently, he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose before folding his arms behind his back and strolling to Spoony's side, "and dare I say, you enjoyed it."

"Don't get arrogant," Nnoitra hissed, his visible eye foul through the veil of his dark black hair, "I don't even remember it! Don't tell anyone? I was fucking drunk, I didn't know what I was doing!"

"That's what you say," Szayel's eyes became sly slits, "but that's not what you were doing. Anyhow, I didn't do it _only_ for fun. This was a part of my newest experiment." He came past Nnoitra, running his hand down the taller Espada's back, "and you, my friend, or shall I say, _my lover,_ you are my subject."

"What did you do to me?" Nnoitra screamed, jumping to his feet. He didn't try to threaten him like he did with Gin; Nnoitra was suspicious that, if he punched the octavo, his hand would turn to goo because some strange acid Szayel had on him. Besides, Nnoitra was almost afraid of Szayel; he might not be _strong,_ but he was creepy as shit.

"Hm," Szayel strolled away, obviously not frightened in the slightest bit, "I don't think I shall tell you at this point. Now run along, Jiruga, I have important business to attend to."

"Don't give me that!" Nnoitra flailed his long, skinny arms, confused on whether to punch the man, or to run from him, "what the _fuck_ did you do to me?"

"You'll find out soon enough," Szayel smiled bemusedly, "however, I do advise you tell Aizen-sama about our little..._adventure_ from last night. In fact, he already knows. Please go and tell him that it was a success. You will be surprised; you might have to ask him for some time off."

Nnoitra roared, shoving his hands back into his hakama, and stomped off to the throne room; who knew, maybe Aizen would tell him more than the pink-haired pansy. _I hate you, you little...er...you traitor, _Nnoitra through angrily at his crotch area as he hurried through the winding hallways, _you'd jump for anything with a hole...I'm never boozing with Gin again...he probably put something in that sake and planned this all..._He entered the throne room in a storm, throwing a dozing Starrk out of the way to stand right in front of Aizen. The leader looked down on him, slightly leaning on the arm of his throne, smiling as if he were amused with Nnoitra's anger.

"Good morning, my dear Nnoitra," he mused, "I trust you had fun last night with my advisor, Gin? And it seems you graced Szayel's bed sheets, as well."

Nnoitra gritted his teeth as to not spurt something he would regret, "Aizen-sama...Szayel wouldn't tell me what he did to me."

"Ah, yes," Aizen's gaze did not shift from Nnoitra's tall frame, "and you wish for me to tell you?"

"Uh, yeah, that'd be good." He put his hands on his hips, trying to keep the image of pink hair spread on black pillows out of his mind.

"It is my understanding," Aizen said, rising to his feet and coming up to the Espada, and though he towered over his leader, Aizen never lost his superiority, "that you and Szayel were together last night in your bedroom."

"Apparently." Nnoitra could feel his face go hot.

"I trust you are familiar with _Fornicaras'_ abilities?" Aizen smiled as if something was very funny, "it wasn't too long ago that Szayel came to me and asked me for permission for a new experiment; a study on a live subject to see if Fornicaras can impregnate genders, and the period in which this gestation can endure. I approved of the experiment and gave him my permission to test it."

"...What?"

"Aizen-sama!" Gin burst into the throne room, waving to his master like an excited child, carefully stepping over Starrk where he was passed out on the floor, "oh, I see Nnoitra has already found you."

"Why the hell are you here?" Nnoitra fumed, "this is a private conversation between me and Aizen-sama!"

"Aizen-sama and _I_," Gin corrected, strolling over to Aizen's side, "and I wanted to see your face when he told you what Szayel did to you!"

"I'm afraid you missed that opportunity," Aizen said, "I already told him what will become of him."

"No way!" Gin cried, his smile twitching at the corners of his mouth "I didn' hear no screaming!"

"What?" Nnoitra fumed, still not comprehending, "what does Fornicaras do? He's all, like, a sex jelly fish, right?"

"Szayel can implant his seed into a woman and reproduce himself, as a last-ditch effort to save himself in a battle, when his original body is injured beyond repair," Aizen said, strolling down the long throne room, his sandals clicking on the tile floor, "therefore, he wanted to test if he can do this in a male, as well, and if he can prolong the pregnancy to nine months. He chose you as his subject for this experiment."

"So basically, he _knocked you up!_" Gin wailed, bursting into laughter. It took a moment for it to sink in, but once Nnoitra realized his fate, he screamed and ran, arms flailing, back to Szayel's laboratory. _Fuck! this can't be real!_ He screamed in his head, _this can't be real, this _can't_ be real! Wake up, Jiruga, wake up!_ He sped down the white-walled halls uttering various swear words, his stomach churning.

By the time he made it back to Szayel's laboratory, his raven-black hair was frazzled, and his lanky frame was heaving in rage and exasperation. Szayel had migrated back to his spot at the work bench, now studying a light green liquid with the words _'Nel Tu' _scribbled on the side in black sharpie. He looked up from his work and smiled cunningly at Nnoitra.

"Oh, you're back?"

"You!" Nnoitra screamed, stumbling through the lab at Szayel. It was no use; before he could even remotely reach the scientist, fifty of his fraccion had come to restrain the giant. Nnoitra roared with rage, glaring down at Szayel with his one good eye.

"Now, now, Nnoitra, that can't be good for the baby." He smiled, which just made Nnoitra rage more.

"Baby? You are sick! You're fucking _insane!"_

"Thank you," Szayel said, "did Aizen tell you about this?"

"Yes," Nnoitra fumed, "you got me pregnant! How? As far as I was concerned, it's only the chicks that can have babies!"

"Well," Szayel came in front of the workbench, waving his fraccion away, and leaning against the table with one hand on his hip, "to put it in layman's terms, which we all know you need...last night you were absurdly drunk. I had been working on this experiment for a while, making an egg that would transport my DNA into you, and somehow survive such a harsh environment past conception-"

"Okay, less graphic," Nnoitra moaned. Szayel sighed.

"Hm. Anyways, I took your doll last night and moved a few things around, and added a few things as well, all before-hand without you so much as noticing. You are a numb person, aren't you, Jiruga? Then, when you were stumbling around last night with Ichimaru, it took very little...seduction to get myself into your bedroom."

Nnoitra was holding his head in his hands, "shit."

"We did the deed, and I implanted myself into you," Szayel waved his hand in a frill, "don't be so mad, Nnoitra, the baby is yours as well. This is what I created; you fertilized the egg, but I implanted it inside you! In nine months time, you'll have produced a baby, unlike normally, this baby will be baby sized, and not come exploding out of you like normal," he winked, "I might need you again sometime."

"Why...why didn't you implant it in yourself if all you needed was for me to fertilize it?" Nnoitra was disgusted with himself to even be thinking of it.

"I have important research to do," Szayel said, "this is merely a side project. I can't be walking around all bloated and fat when I'm supposed to be working!"

"I work too! I fight!" Nnoitra cried, "like a man!"

"You don't even carry around your sword." Szayel said flatly.

"At least I have a weapon!"

"I have a weapon as well, you saw it last night!"

"Augh!" Nnoitra flailed his arms into the air and stormed out, "you're a fucking maniac!"

"It's just the hormones talking!" Szayel called after him, "and if you get nauseous, don't worry, it's normal!"


	2. Lots of Prodding

Chapter 2: Lots of Prodding

(Second Month, First Trimester)

"Nnoitra," Ulquiorra poked his white-faced head into Nnoitra's room. Nnoitra was lying on his extra-long bed, arms and legs splayed, his chest gently rising and falling and he snored. Ulquiorra gave him a glaring look, or at least, as much as one he could muster, as if it'd wake the sleeping Espada up, "Nnoitra."

"What's going on?" Grimmjow came up, poking his blue-topped head into the room next to Ulquiorra, "why are we staring at Spoony sleeping?"

"Aizen-sama wants him," Ulquiorra, "he sent me, but you can wake him up." He slunk away without question, leaving Grimmjow alone in the room with his sleeping colleague, more confused than anything.

"Nnoitra?" Grimmjow asked. The quinto snored loudly and rolled over onto his side, curling up into a ball.

"No, no," he muttered to himself in his sleep, "no blue...Hell yeah, pink is sexy..."

"_Nnoitra!_" Grimmjow growled, kicking the Espada in the back.

"Wha?" Nnoitra yawned, jerking up, "hey, no fighting, remember? Aizen said." That was what he hated the most; no fighting of any kind; it could interfere with the experiment. It was worse than the nausea and incessant barfing that ruined most enjoyable moments of the day. _At least when Gin is bothering me, there's the probability I'll puke on him._

"You sound like a pansy," Grimmjow grunted, "'_no fighting, Aizen said'_ what is this? You, Nnoitra would never back down to a fight before!"

"I'm not feeling well." Nnoitra said bluntly. He wasn't feeling _normal,_ at least. He even cut the hood off his Espada outfit in a fit of rage a few days earlier because he had thought it was 'too big'. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_ He thought, getting to his feet, _well, I know what's wrong with me. I hope none of the other Espada aside from the pink-haired geek knows. _Aizen confined it to secrecy until absolutely necessary, so Nnoitra had to keep it a secret from Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, and the others. Aizen forbade a lot of things, including sex for the time being, which was, perhaps, the worst part. _Nah, I don't feel like banging no chicks, _he thought miserably, _I feel like sleeping. _Grimmjow had been watching him rub the sleep out of his eyes with a look of astonishment and disgust. He shook his head.

"Aizen-sama wants you in the throne room." He said before walking away, looking back at him as if Nnoitra had two eyes.

Sleepily, Nnoitra shuffled down the halls of Las Noches, not even yelling a sexiest slur as he passed Harribel on the way. He was feeling down, for sure; he just didn't have the energy to do anything.

"Hello, Jiruga, I assume the _experiment _is going well?" A familiar voice came from somewhere down near his elbow.

"Shit!" Startled, Nnoitra jumped across the hallway, flailing his arms similar to a karate chop. Szayel stood where he had just been, one hand folded behind his back, the other pushing his white glasses up the bridge of his nose, staring back at him bemusedly.

"I didn't mean to startle you, Nnoitra," the pink-haired scientist said, "I didn't think someone as tall and strong as you would scare so easily."

"I wasn't scared," Nnoitra hissed, continuing his shuffle down the hall, Szayel at his heels, "you startled me. Don't do that. It's probably...bad for the _baby_ or something."

"Hm, maybe," Szayel said, as if he were bored, "you do have that _glow _about you, Jiruga. How are you feeling, we haven't spoken since you haven't left your room in nearly two weeks."

"I feel like shit." Nnoitra snapped. Szayel smiled.

"This is good! Mood swings and morning sickness are tell-tale signs of pregnancy-"

"Morning sickness? More like all-day sickness if you ask me." Nnoitra attempted a half-smile, but it really wasn't working. He was walking faster, trying to shake Szayel like an annoying lady bug; however, Szayel was walking faster, as well.

"It does vary from wo—pregnancy to pregnancy."

"Fuck you."

"Another mood swing! I am pleased!" They entered the main throne room, where Aizen had set up a table with three chairs placed around it in the center of the long room. He sat in the biggest of the three chairs, absently staring at his bitch-curl like it was his lover, while Tousen and Gin stood on either side of him.

"Welcome, Nnoitra, Szayel," Aizen said when he saw them enter, "please, have a seat."

Szayel went to sit in the chair closest to him, but Nnoitra easily flicked him aside and sat down instead, fighting the sudden urge to throw up. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and stared at Aizen, his face gray.

"Hey, Nnoitra," Ichimaru taunted from his perch behind Aizen's right shoulder, "you're looking a little sick this _morning_."

"Be quiet, Gin," Aizen waved his hand to shut up the cackling man, "It has been one month since conception, and I want to know how my investment is shaping up."

"Investment?" Nnoitra asked, his glare shifting away from Gin, "what do you mean?"

"I'm giving you time off for this, Nnoitra," Aizen said stiffly, "I expect something out of it. The child will be raised in my image, will be taught by Gin and Tousen, and will be brought up to follow Aizen as their God."

"...Oh."

"May I say something, Aizen-sama?" Szayel asked. Aizen nodded, and Szayel started, "this is not a normal pregnancy, obviously. I'm not sure if you're aware, but a normal pregnancy is measured from the first day of the mother's missed period. Obviously, you, Nnoitra, don't have a period, although you do ac as if you do sometimes. This pregnancy skips the whole first month, and starts as if you've already been gestating for a month. So today, coincidentally, is the beginning of your second month of pregnancy."

"...What?"

"You're a month ahead of schedule," Aizen said, folding his hands together in front of his face as he spoke, "instead of being is said state for ten months, you shall be for nine."

"Exactly," Szayel nodded, "I don't expect Jiruga to comprehend most of this, but he's just the transportation unit for our experiment."

"Stop that," Nnoitra said, still fighting the nausea, "_transportation unit_, you make me sound like a truck."

"Yeah, but you'll look like a cow!" Gin laughed. Aizen waved his hand at him and he became quiet once more.

"Fine, we shall call you _the mother_." Aizen said, "I have assigned you some work, Nnoitra. I trust Szayel is well educated on this subject already, but you, I am not so sure. Read this as soon as possible." He handed him a book titled '_A Miracle of Life; Your Pregnancy Week-by-Week!'_

"I'm not reading this!" Nnoitra cried.

"It'll tell you all the important things," Aizen said, "like what kinds exercises to do, what symptoms you should have, what food to eat, for example, no fatty, greasy foods-"

That was it. At the mention of food, Nnoitra's stomach had had it, and bailed ship. He jumped to his feet and ran out of the room, one hand clutching his stomach, the other clutching his mouth. Szayel, Aizen, Gin, and Tousen were left in the throne room, wondering.

"He left!" Gin cried.

"He had to throw up." Szayel said, as if it explained everything perfectly. Aizen sat back in his chair and crossed his arms.

"We shall wait for his return." They waited in silence for a few minutes, before Tousen asked, bewildered:

"Did anyone else notice his hood was missing?"

Nnoitra could barely stand to come back, after that excellent show of manliness. _If they say anything, especially Gin, I'll beat their heads in,_ he told himself, taking a deep breath and entering the throne room for a second time.

"Welcome back, Nnoitra." Aizen smiled, his hands still folded in front of him, gesturing with his head to the empty seat. Tousen behind him was staring off into space, as he usually did, but Gin was having a ball silently laughing. Nnoitra growled and took his seat, vowing to punch Ichimaru in the stomach until _he _puked.

"Sorry about that," Nnoitra said, trying his best to ignore the silver-haired menace, and rubbing his stomach subconsciously, "just feeling a little...sick."

"I should hope so," Aizen said, "it's a good sign."

"Alright," Nnoitra said, growing increasingly uncomfortable; his nausea didn't seem to be through with him yet, "what do you want me to read?"

"This book," Aizen said, handing the large, thick, and light pink hardcover to Nnoitra, who stared at it as if it was poisonous, "and you, Szayel, I want you to read this." He pulled out another book titled _'A dad's How-to for Surviving a Pregnancy'. _

"Oh," Szayel said, "well, I wasn't really expecting to be...the _father_ per say..."

"You are the father!" Nnoitra cried, "This is your baby!"

"I suppose," Szayel nodded, "but I was only planning to check up on it every once in a while to make sure this one hadn't aborted it."

"I want this little one to grow up as normally as possible in the circumstances," Aizen said, "that includes it having both a present mother and father."

"This is bullshit," Nnoitra mumbled, flipping through his pink book, "look, it says by two months they have fingernails. What type of bull is this?"

"It's true, Nnoitra," Szayel said, "Aizen, shall we leave to go back to my laboratory? I have a few tests I want to run."

"Yes, go ahead," Aizen nodded, waving them away, "I hope you feel better, Nnoitra."

"Yeah, goodbye _mommy_." Gin taunted, and before he could go back to stomp on him, Szayel had Pulled Nnoitra through the doors.

"You should try to keep your stress levels steady," Szayel said, "you could miscarry, and that wouldn't be good at all. We'd have to start this thing all over again!"

"Don't want that to happen." Nnoitra grumbled. Szayel smiled as they entered his lab; the room smelt of perfumes, and his fraccion were running around, studying test tubes resting above Bunsen burners.

"This way," Szayel said, grabbing Nnoitra's arm, and before he could object, pulling him across the room to a hospital bed pushed up against the far wall, "I found this somewhere in here, near Aaroniero's room, believe it or not. I just..._borrowed _it for a bit. Lie down and take off your top."

"Is that what you told me last time we were together and there was a bed?" Nnoitra asked. He pulled off his jacket and sat down on the bed, dwarfing it with his sheer size, "what are you going to do?"

"Blood tests first," Szayel said as round fraccion came running up with a set of nasty looking needles and little cotton swabs, "we have to scan for disease. I'm pretty sure you don't have anything, but it's standard protocol."

"What?" Nnoitra cried, cringing at the sight of the needle, "you're poking me with that?"

"Oh, you're afraid of this?" Szayel mocked darkly, slowly advancing, the needle in hand, "I thought you were a big, strong _quinto_ Espada. Am I mistaken?"

"No," Nnoitra cried, sitting up straighter in his spot on the bed, "I just...don't like little things poking me." _Like your junk..._

"Just close your eyes, er, eye," Szayel cooed, extending Nnoitra's arm for him, swabbing at his inner elbow, "this won't hurt a bit." Then he shoved the needle into Nnoitra's arm.

"Ow! Fuck this!" Nnoitra screamed. His eye was squeezed shut. Giving in to temptation, he opened his eye a tiny bit, seeing the needle sticking out of his arm, his blood oozing up and filling the vial. This was enough to cause his to faint.

When he woke up, he was still lying on the bed topless, his legs and arms hanging off the edges because of its small size. Szayel was leaning over him, studying his face when he opened his eyes to see.

"Ah!" He jumped again, "shit, Szayel, why are you so god-damn creepy?"

"It's my job," Szayel said, leaning back and handing a passing fraccion his rubber gloves, "you passed out, you see? I was merely making sure you hadn't died."

"...Thanks?" He flexed the arm from which the blood was taken; it felt strangely heavy, and tingled, "what's next?"

"Urine test!" Szayel cried, almost happily, taking a bottle from his fraccion and shoving it in Nnoitra's hand, "take this to the bathroom and fill 'er up."

"You're sick! I'm not doing shit!" Nnoitra retorted, but scuttled off to do as he was told anyways; he really did have to pee; it felt to him that his bladder had shrunk to half its original size. It was a good thing he wasn't fighting; he'd have to stop half way for a washroom break.

When he came back, his cup full, Szayel was sitting on the bed, flipping through the book Aizen had given him.

"We're supposed to _bond_," He said distractedly, "it says here I'm supposed to be supportive of you during this time because," he lifted up the book and read aloud, "this period of time is very stressful on the mother."

Nnoitra sneered; he hated being called the mother more than he hated _transportation unit_, "can I go now?"

"I suppose," Szayel said, "don't you want to stay and learn more about this _miracle of life_?" he read again from the text, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"No," Nnoitra said, throwing his top on his body, and grabbing the massive manuscript he was given, "I have this book, remember? See ya!" He stormed out of the lab, not sure why he was so angry, but just happy he wasn't crying or throwing up.

He flopped onto his bed, flipping the book open to the first page.

_Welcome to a Mother's Guide to Pregnancy! Being pregnant is an amazing miracle of life, let's hope you're ready for this miracle of life! This guide will go through the week-by-week process of having a baby! Before planning to have a baby, you should be aware-_

"Yeah, yeah," Nnoitra said, flipping ahead a few pages, "where does it say I stop being sick?"

_Second month of pregnancy (week 8, first trimester): Your uterus is about the size of an orange, now, so you may find your waistline expanding. In an ultrasound, you should be able to see the baby's fluttering heart, and their facial features are starting to form. You will probably still feel sick, and fatigue and the need to urinate often is normal. Because of the influx of hormones, the mother is prone to acne and mood swings, feeling a bit like a teenager again! Hang in there, Mama! Your breasts may feel swollen and tender-_

"Fuck this!" Nnoitra threw the book across the room, nearly missing a Fraccion who had been passing outside his door, "you there!" He called to the fraccion, probably one of Barragan's, "You there! Bring me back my book!"

"M-me?" The fraccion, a small black-haired girl with a green-tinged mask that sat atop her head like a crown of thorns, replied.

"Yeah, you!" Nnoitra was too lazy and tired to get up off his bed, knowing well that he'd have to pee, again, if he sat up, "that book I threw at you, bring it back here. I don't want anyone to see it!" The girl nodded, picking up the book from where it had flown and put a hole into the wall.

"A pregnancy book?" She asked timidly, handing the book back to the Espada, "that's funny."

"What's funny?" Nnoitra sneered, grabbing the book out of her small hand, "do I look funny to you?"

"I heard you hooked up with Szayel," The girl said, still staring the Espada in the eye. She was not afraid, "that's what they've been saying; the other fraccion. And now you have a pregnancy book on you. It's almost as if..."

"As if _what_?" Nnoitra hissed, very annoyed that the girl wasn't afraid of him. Maybe she was one of Szayel's fraccion; a reject that had been created with a mind mal-function.

"It's silly," she smiled slyly, "good bye, Jiruga-sun." She flashed a smile and turned to leave, a skip in her step.

"Wait!" Nnoitra sat up from his spot on the bed, extending his arm and caught the girl's, "what's your name?"

"My name?" She asked, large golden eyes blinking, "My name's Ivonne Maevwen," She said, "can I go?"

"Uh," Nnoitra let go of her arm, sitting back in his spot, "yeah."

The girl gave him a questionable look, before turning once more and leaving the room once more, closing the door behind her. _Who was that? _Nnoitra asked, lying back down and covering himself with his black covers, _her name was Ivonne...I'll find her tomorrow, I swear. Here's something about that girl..._He was asleep before he knew it, dreaming of black-haired girls and pink-haired babies.


	3. Stealing Fraccion

Chapter 3: Teenage Wasteland

"What...the..._fuck_!" Nnoitra hissed, pulling at his shirt bottom, "what is this madness!"

"Was someone quoting 300?" Szayel asked from Nnoitra's bedroom. Nnoitra was lying half-naked on the end of his bed, trying to do up his shirt; it was a tight fit. His thin torso had developed a small bump the resembled a beer-gut. Tesla stood, his eyes wild, looking from his master and the newly-appeared Szayel, his face white, "oh, hello, Tesla. Having troubles, Nnoitra?"

"Yes," Nnoitra said flatly, "My uniform won't do up," he pulled the pants on, grumbling as he loosened the waist band, "Seriously, this thing," he gestured at his baby-belly, "is making it impossible to do anything anymore!"

"Just think, it's only the third month," Szayel said, tossing his hair out of his eyes, "I wanted to come visit you."

"Eh? Why?" Nnoitra had given up on the top, and was commanding Tesla to find him a bigger version.

"Well, I was reading that book," Szayel said, sitting next to Nnoitra on the bed, "ah, it has been a while since I've seen this bed."

"You were reading the book?" Nnoitra prodded, pulling on his boots.

"Ah, yes. It says we should spend more time together because pregnancy is so hard on you," he smiled, "that the stress of being alone and unwanted would be detrimental."

"I don't need _you _to relieve my stress," Nnoitra said, "if I was feeling stressed, I could just throw something at Tesla. _Hey Tesla!_" he kicked his fraccion in the back of the knees, "hurry up with the top, eh?"

"S-sorry, Nnoitra-sama!" Tesla was tearing through the giant black armoire Nnoitra kept in his bedroom, throwing piles white onto the floor, "it's just that...you've been the same size your whole after-life and-"

"Don't give me that," Nnoitra stuck his tongue out, showing of the tattooed five, and rolled his one eye, "fucking fraccion, they're good for nothing," he told Szayel, throwing a pillow at the already exasperated Tesla, who had moved to the corner, picking up a vase to look inside it, "I mean, I know you eat yours, but I can't really eat Tesla. I don't think it'd be good for the baby-" There was a loud crash as Tesla dropped the vase he was holding.

"B-baby?" He asked, pushing the blond hair out of his eyes to hold his paling forehead, "what are you talking about, Nnoitra-sama?"

"Hm," Szayel sighed, pushing up his glasses, "you haven't told your own fraccion, have you?"

"Well, no," Nnoitra replied, trying very hard to hide his fault, "I did not tell my bitch. I choose what to tell him, and I decided not to tell him _this_."

"Tell me...that you're pregnant?" Tesla asked slowly, his hazel eyes rightfully wild, "This isn't true, is it Nnoitra-sama?"

"Uh," Nnoitra rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, quickly jumping to his feet and advancing on Tesla, "did I tell you to talk, Tesla? _I need clothes_, so get on it!"

"Sorry, Nnoitra-sama!" Tesla cried as Nnoitra stomped on him, "I'm sorry!"

"For your information, Tesla, your master _is _pregnant," Szayel said, checking his nails and smiling slyly as Nnoitra fumed, "with my child, of all things. Don't tell anyone, though, it's a secret he's trying in vain to keep."

"Szayel!" Nnoitra cried, "you little bastard!" He went from stomping on Tesla to stomping on Szayel, or at least trying to. The pink-haired scientist gabbed the pregnant man's leg and held it up in the air until Nnoitra lost his balance and fell over.

"No fighting, remember Nnoitra?" he said smoothly, standing up and offering his hand to the fallen Espada, "thank god Aizen took away Santa Teresa from you or you'd have lobbed someone's head of with your moodiness."

"I'm _not _moody!" Nnoitra cried, ignoring Szayel's hand and getting up himself. He pushed Tesla out of the way and pulled something out of his armoire; an old white pyjama top. Grumbling, he slipped it on, the image of a blue cat on the front, "you know what I found today on my forehead? A pimple! A _fucking _pimple! And I have to pee! All the time!" He roared in rage, storming off towards the door, "like right now! I'll be right back." He left a bewildered Tesla and an indifferent Szayel alone as he scuttled off to the washroom. When he was done with that, he headed off towards the kitchen, forgetting about Szayel and Tesla, and thinking about how delicious a pickle would be right then. The kitchen was empty; Arrancar didn't really _need_ to eat, though most did recreationally. Aizen kept the kitchen stocked with tea and dog treats for Yammy, and Ichimaru brought in sake every once in a while. The rest of the food was seldom touched, so it wasn't long until Nnoitra found the jar of pickles wedged behind the leg of a cow. He grabbed it, ripped off the top, and inhaled the tangy scent of pickle juice tickle his nose. _Hell yeah, that's good. _He pulled out a pickle with two of his large fingers and sucked on it, going back to rummage through the fridge again. He followed his nose and pulled out whatever he found appetizing; from beetroot, to apple pie, to onion and bananas. It wasn't until he opened up the freezer did he find what he was really looking for; chocolate mint ice cream.

"Aha!" Nearly drooling, still clinging to the pickle with his teeth, he threw away the lid and sunk to the floor next to the fridge, shovelling the ice cream into his wide mouth. _Fuck, it tastes so good! _He dipped the pickle into the ice cream and ate it that way; until Tia Harribel walked into the kitchen. _Fuck...how do I save this? _Nnoitra thought in a panic, dropping the pickle into the ice cream container.

"Hey, baby!" he jumped up, leaning against the fridge, flailing as it swung away, revealing the ice-cream-and-pickle-juice stains on his shirt. Looking unimpressed, Harribel turned and left Nnoitra to himself, again. After a slur of profanities, and a mighty kick to the door, Nnoitra gathered up his food items and walked back to his room.

"Ah there you are, Nnoitra-kun," Szayel smiled when he came back into his room, "we thought you had gotten lost on the way there."

"No, just getting a...er...snack," Nnoitra said, shoving the pickle back into his mouth. He dumped the rest of his stuff on the bedside table, "now can you leave? I'm fucking exhausted." He laid back on the bed, covering his eyes with his arm.

"You haven't done anything today!" Szayel cried.

"Yeah, I went to the kitchen and back." Nnoitra said without looking up.

"I read your book, as well," Szayel said, holding up the bright purple book Aizen had given Nnoitra the month prior, "it say that by now you should be feeling less tired and less nausea."

"Yeah," Nnoitra said, "I don't feel like I'm going to puke all over the lot of you, if that's what you're saying."

"It also said that your hormones should begin to level out, so these mood swings should lessen in intesnsity-"

"Oh thank god!" Nnoitra jumped up, embracing Szayel, "I love you so much! Thank you!"

"Ahem, yes," Szayel grimace, adjusting his glasses where Nnoitra had knocked them off, "you're very welcome." Nnoitra realized what he was doing, and let go, straightening up and clearing his throat, his face red.

"uh," Nnoitra was grimacing as well, now, "sorry." It was the first time he had said sorry in as long as he could remember. This disturbed him more than he hug.

"It's no problem," Szayel said, "I understand your chemical makeup is unbalanced right now," he got up off the bed, fixing his hair and his uniform like a self-conscious teenager, "Nnoitra?"

"Yes?"

"I was wondering," he laughed self-consciously, "I sound like a adolescent asking another on a date for the first time."

"That's fine," Nnoitra laughed lightly for the first time in three months, "with the mood swings and acne, I'm like a teenage, too."

"Do you want to come back to my lab with me and actually learn about the thing that's growing inside of you?" Szayel said. Nnoitra's face went blank. He looked down at his stomach, where his two hands had subconsciously rested; he had nearly forgotten; that little bump wasn't just an annoyance, but another person. A person he was responsible for. _The poor little guy won't even live to see all the hot chicks out here if I'm not careful_, he thought, _maybe I should go...if he's going to be hanging around my stomach for six more months, I should learn a little bit about him. _

"Yeah, sure," he said to Szayel, "but not now."

"When, then?" Szayel asked, confusion playing across his features.

"It's Monday today," Nnoitra said, "how about Friday?"

"It's a date." Szayel said, turning on his heels and leaving the room, bidding farewell to Tesla, who had been observing from the corner of the room.

"It's not actually a date," Nnoitra grumbled. Then, he turned to Tesla, "you better not tell anyone about this, bitch." He spat like poison. Tesla nodded frantically, and started to clean up the pile of ill-fitting Espada uniforms, "someone's gotta fix those," Nnoitra thought aloud, leaning on his bed, resting his head on the headrest, picking up a new pickle and the ice cream once more, "put a tie in the side or something so I can wear it."

"You'll have to get maternity clothes eventually, Nnoitra-sama," Tesla said, "I guess you'd have to travel to the human world for that; I'm pretty sure no one here would have that," he paused, "actually, I wasn't even aware Arrancar could get pregnant."

"Neither was I," Nnoitra said, "Shit...I wonder if I have any kids I don't know about..."

What was she doing? This was crazy; absurd, even. Sneaking away from Zommari's residence to venture over to Nnoitra's; if she was found she's be questioned. And once someone questioned her...she'd be killed. Sucking in a breath, she continued her trek down the halls of Las Noches, disappearing against the white walls whenever someone passed her. No Espada passed her, thankfully, only other Fraccion obeying their master's wishes. _I could say I'm delivering something for Zommari,_ she thought, _but what would Zommari want with Nnoitra? I could refuse to tell them—_

"Hey, you!"

Ivonne Maevwen froze in her tracks. A tall, raven haired man wearing a pyjama top with a blue cat on it, a baggy hakama, and a white eye-patch was coming up the hallway.

"Me?" Ivonne asked, trying to hide her excitement. _It's him, it's him! _Her mind was screaming, _Nnoitra, the one you came to see! And now he's calling to you!_

"What are you doing here?" The Espada came closer, one had shoved in his hakama pants, the other holding what seemed to be a...pickle.

"Uh," _shit,_ "I, uh, have a message from Zommari-sama." She lied.

"Zommari?" Nnoitra looked puzzled, "what does he want with me?" He looked down at the girl, "hey! You're that girl that I threw the book at!"

"Yes, I am!" Ivonne breathed, "Meavwen!"

"Ivonne Maevwen," Nnoitra nodded, peering down at the girl with his one eye, "I'm sorry I don't have a book to throw at you this time."

"Uh...sorry?"

"What does Zommari want?" Nnoitra asked, rocking back and forth on his heels, taking a bite from his pickle.

"He...uh," Ivonne stumbled for words, cursing herself for not thinking of it earlier, "he said hi."

"Hi?" Nnoitra's brows, or at least the visible one, knotted together, "tell him to go fuck himself." He took the last bite of his pickle and strolled back the other way. Ivonne hadn't come all that way for barely anything! She followed after the Espada, taking four steps for each of his.

"I volunteered to come deliver the message," she said hurriedly, "because I wanted to see you again!"

"Eh?" Nnoitra halted, and Ivonne ran into his backside. Blushing, she said sorry, "why did you want to see me again?"

"I..." she looked up at him with her golden eyes, "well, everyone's so afraid of you, and you don't have many friends-"

"I have plenty of friends!" Nnoitra scoffed, "Grimmjow, Tesla, Harribel, Szayel..."

"Real friends," she smiled slyly, "Tesla's your bitch, you chase Harribel around, and I'd call Grimmjow more of an ally than a friend. And Szayel's just the guy you slept with-"

"_Who told you that?_" Nnoitra cried, his eye twitching. Ivonne didn't back down.

"Ichimaru-san told me." She said flatly. Nnoitra glared at her, and then glared at the wall.

"Fucking Gin," he started to walk away, miffed as Ivonne followed, "what do you want from me, girl?"

"I want to be your friend," she said, "I think you would really like a friend." Nnoitra eyed her sceptically, even laughing in disbelief.

"Well, I suppose I could use another Fraccion," he grumbled, "Tesla can't do anything right. He couldn't even find me a shirt that fit the other day, and now I'm stuck with this pyjama top," he looked down at the black-haired girl, "won't Zommari miss you?"

"I doubt it," she said unequivocally, "there's a ton of us, he can't keep track of us all."

"Are there any more like you?"

"No."

"Oh...okay. Good thing I got you, then."

It was Friday. Szayel had been looking forward to Friday all week; Nnoitra would be coming, and Szayel would get to do what he did best; teaching the incredibly stupid a lesson. He had the whole laboratory set up for the occasion; a seat for Nnoitra, one for Tesla, and one for Szayel, looking towards a white screen where Szayel had prepared a slideshow. He had locked away all but a few of his Fraccion, and put away all his valuable experiments in case Nnoitra had a rampage with his raging hormones. This would be fun, or at least, better than moping around the lab all day.

"Hey, anyone here?" Nnoitra's voice filled the laboratory. Szayel jumped up with excitement, rushing for the door to meet his friend. _We're friends,_ he said to himself, _you could call us friends...right?_

"Jiruga," Szayel met his baby's...mother at the door, "please to see you and Tesla..." he looked past the disgruntled Espada to see his blond-haired Fraccion and...a girl? "Who's that?"

"My new Fraccion," Nnoitra said with his iconic sneer, "this is Ivonne Maevwen ."

"Pleased to meet you, Szayel-sun." The young woman with a mess of black hair, a white, tool dress, and shinning gold eyes curtsied and smiled at the scientist. He glared at her, studying her.

"Isn't she one of Zommari's fraccion?"

"Why would you say that?" Nnoitra spat. Szayel rolled his eyes behind his white-framed glasses.

"Because I've seen her before," he grunted, "this little brat was trying to steal from my lab. She claimed she had 'a message from Zommari', but she had stuffed some precious metals under her dress."

"Really?" Nnoitra looked down at Ivonne, "you stole?"

"Yes." Ivonne admitted, nodding sadly. Nnoitra laughed pleasantly.

"See, sounds like my sort of chick!" He pushed past Szayel, "c'mon, Granz, I like her. I'll make sure she doesn't steal anything _too_ important," he turned to Tesla, "Tesla! Keep an eye on her, will ya? Anyways, are we doing this educational thing or what?"

"Oh, yes, have a seat," he motioned to the three chairs, "sorry about Meavwen, I didn't leave a seat for her."

"It's fine, Tesla can stand."Nnoitra sat down in the middle chair, leaning back so that his already-protruding stomach could be seen through his pyjama top. Ivonne sat down next to him on the left, and Szayel sat on his right, a little annoyed.

"Hm," he flipped his pink locks out of his eyes, "where do you want to begin?"

"I want to know where the baby is exactly," Nnoitra said, "I mean, he's making my stomach all fat."

"It's not fat," Szayel rolled his eyes. He got to his feet and pressed a button on the side of the projector. A cross section of what appeared to be Spoony appeared; where his lower intestines used to be, was now a womb with a tiny little baby inside it, "see, as the baby grows larger, the rest of your organs are pushed up and back, to make room for the expanding uterus. The uterus sits on the bladder during the first three months, first trimester, before expanding upwards during the second," he smiled slyly, "the uterus sitting on your bladder is what's causing you to urinate so frequently. During the second trimester, the uterus moves up, which causes your 'baby bump' to grow like it has already started to do."

"Oh..." Nnoitra was speechless, watching the cross-section of himself grow and shrink as it played through the whole nine months, "my poor insides," he laid a hand on his stomach, saying to it, "see what you're doing to me?"

"Awh, that's so cute, Nnoitra-sama," Ivonne said, "you're all maternal and such!"

"Eh?" Nnoitra snapped, "I ain't being maternal."

"It's super cute," Ivonne smiled when most would shrivel, "I like it. I think it suits you!"

"Oh," Nnoitra's frown turned into a smile, "well if _you _like it..."

"Uh, shall we go on?" Szayel interjected, one of his pink eyebrows twitching, "how about we discuss the symptoms of your pregnancy?"

"Uh, sure."

"First three months; that's where you're at now," Szayel picked up a book and read, "fatigue, nausea, mood swings, acne, bladder pressure, headaches and light headedness."

"Sounds fun," Ivonne nodded, "I think you're a hero for doing this for Szayel, Nnoitra!"

"I am, ain't I?" Nnoitra rubbed the back of his head, crossing his legs and yawning, "I've already felt all those things, Szayel, what's in store for me now?"

"Huh? Oh," Szayel had been staring at Ivonne, thinking of ways to torture, and yet still use her for research, "yes. You're at week twelve now. Next week you'll be in your second trimester, which is said to be the most enjoyable part of pregnancy."

"Good, because it's been hell so far." Nnoitra said. Szayel sighed, but went on, flipping the hair out of his eyes.

"At sixteen weeks we'll have another ultrasound to see the sex of the baby."

"There's no need," Nnoitra said, "it's a boy."

"Why do you say that?" Szayel asked. Nnoitra shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"I don't know," he said, shrugging, "I can just feel it."

"Around sixteen weeks, you'll be able to feel the baby moving, as well," Now, let's go over to that hospital bed again..."

"Why?" Nnoitra asked, getting to his feet, as Tesla offered to help Ivonne to hers.

"For an ultrasound," Szayel said, clarifying as he saw Nnoitra's confused face, "we're going to look at the baby using a machine."

"But the little guy's so small he barely even makes a bump."

"We have to check his health," Szayel led them across the lab where the hospital bed was pushed up against the wall. Next to it was a new machine; one with a screen and a little knob-like device attached to the machine through a coiled cord, "besides, it's a momentous occasion; don't you finally want to see that that thing inside you looks like?"

"Don't call him that _thing,_" Nnoitra said defensively, taking his top off and plopping down on the too-small bed, "and it seems silly. Ruins the surprise at the end."

"Hm," Szayel said, pulling on his gloves and spurting the cold jelly onto Nnoitra's midriff, who cried out in surprise, "well it's my baby too, and I want to see what he looks like."

"Do you want to hold my hand, Nnoitra-sama?" Ivonne offered sweetly, "you know, for support?"

"Why won't anyone hold my hand?" Szayel cried as the pretty girl held Nnoitra's hand in her own.

"I-I'll hold your hand, Szayel." Tesla said quietly.

"No thank you, Tesla," the pink haired man said, "but...thanks. I suppose." He brought the Doppler to Nnoitra's stomach, gliding atop the jelly as he searched for the baby, a black and white image appearing on the screen, "see, this is harder with you, Nnoitra, since you don't have ovaries, there's nothing really to use to find the uterus...oh, here we go." He stopped at a quivering mass of gray-area, slightly resembling an alien, "there you go Nnoitra, there's our son...or daughter."

"Holy shit, really?" Nnoitra's eye became the size of a dinner-plate, sitting up in his spot to see better as he still clutched Ivonne's hand, "why's he quivering like that? Is there something wrong with him?"

"I'm touched that you care," Szayel said with a smile, "no, that's just his heart beat," he took out a tablet and pen, and wrote on the image on the screen in green, circling the baby's head and body, "this is his, or her, head, and this is their body. And see these little dots, that's our baby's arms and legs."

"Damn, he's cute," Nnoitra said, "you remember when we saw those fucking shinigamis? Remember that one that totally stole my eyepatch? He had this little pink-haired girl that went around with him everywhere. This baby is even cuter than that."

"Nnoitra-sama," Tesla gasped, "I've never heard you say that before!"

"Say what?" Nnoitra asked, annoyance in his tone. Tesla shuddered in fright.

"Cute," he sputtered, "I've never heard you use that word before...except when describing women to me."

"Oh," Nnoitra's cheeks when red, "I can say whatever the hell I feel like, Tesla. Now shut up and stand there quietly like you're supposed to."

"The baby looks healthy," Szayel said, handing Nnoitra a towel and turning off the ultrasound machine, "Which is very good. The experiment is going just as planned, for which I am pleased!" He ripped off his rubber gloves and handed them to a passing Fraccion, "and I'm pleased you're feeling better, and doing all that Aizen-sama told you."

"Yes," Nnoitra said begrudgingly, "no fighting, sex, or alcohol. And no telling anyone except my Fraccion about it either," he gave a half smile, "I didn't tell Ivonne, by the way. She figured it out herself."

"Right," Szayel folded his hands together, gazing at the pregnant Espada with his golden eyes, "you don't have to bring them next time. Oh, and I shall see you in three weeks, for a meeting with Aizen-sama."

"Great," Nnoitra pulled on his top and headed for the doors, "see you around, then. C'mon, Tesla, Ivonne," he stepped out the door, but then re-entered, "oh yeah, Szayel?"

"Yes?" Szayel breathed, trying not to look upset.

"What do I do if my clothes don't fit?"

"Oh," Szayel was speechless, "you really shouldn't be getting that big already. Wear your pyjama bottoms."

"I dunno, I've been ballooning, see," he pulled the pyjama top tight, "it's definitely bigger than the beginning of the week!"

"I'm sorry, I don't have a solution as of yet," Szayel pushed his white-rimmed glasses up his nose, peering over them like a mad scientist, "I'll find you some more clothes soon."


	4. Maternity Clothes Give Me Nosebleeds

Chapter 4: Maternity Clothes Give Me Nosebleeds

(16 weeks, second trimester)

"I can't believe you're still doing patrol," Ichimaru Gin snickered from where he leaned against a column, his smile wide and his silver hair shinning in the white light, "shouldn't you be picking out baby clothes or something?"

"Shut the fuck up, Gin." Nnoitra grumbled, walking the halls slumped over, his hands in the pockets of his pyjama pants.

"Oh, better not say that," Gin gasped in mock-concern, "I read somewhere the baby can recognize your voice while still in the womb!"

"When were you reading about pregnancy?" Nnoitra growled, "you don't know anything."

"Neither do you," Gin smiled, "you're just the poor rat that had the experiment tested on him."

"You are the most annoying man I've ever met!" Nnoitra cried, his hands twitching for the sword that wasn't there.

"At least I am a man!" Gin burst out laughing. Nnoitra could take it anymore. With as much force as he could muster, he grabbed Gin around the neck and slammed him into the wall, leaving a van-sized hole.

"Fucking ant," he mumbled, putting his hands back in his pockets and carrying on his tour. _Sixteen weeks, _he thought as he walked, watching his boots as he took his wide steps, _sixteen weeks out of forty and I'm already tired of that silver-haired freak's comments. _He looked up to see Grimmjow walking down the hall towards him, the usual scowl on his face, "yo, Grimmjow!"

"Hey, Nnoitra," Grimmjow said, his blue eyes fierce, "what the hell are you wearing?"

"My pyjamas," Nnoitra said, "Tesla spilt red juice all over my uniform, so I couldn't wear them."

"Are you sure it's not cause you're too fat?" Grimmjow barked with laughter, "maybe it was all those pickles and ice cream I see you eating, look at that-" He playfully put his hand on Nnoitra's stomach. That's when something amazing happened. The baby in Nnoitra's stomach did a flip, moving for the first time. It pretty much knocked the breath out of Nnoitra, and freaked Grimmjow out as well, who's hand shrivelled back as if it had touched poison, "what the fuck was that?"

"Uh," Nnoitra's face went white, holding the side of his stomach, trying to feel the baby move again, "uh, just gas, you know? I mean, pickles and ice cream taste good together, but it really upsets my stomach."

"Oh..." Grimmjow was still eyeing his stomach suspiciously, as if it would grow and arm and attack him, "well, you should lay off that stuff, man, it's not healthy. And where's Santa Teresa? I haven't seen you carrying it in nearly five months!"

"Yeah, Aizen confiscated it."

"Your _sword_?"

"Yeah, he's a bitch," Nnoitra looked down at Grimmjow's blue hair, "what time is it?"

"I think it's around noon," he said, "why?"

"I have a meeting with Aizen," Nnoitra yawned, "so boring."

"Don't say that," Grimmjow's eyebrow twitched, "you sound like _Luppi_ when you say that."

"Whatever," Nnoitra shrugged, his hand still on his stomach, his heart still beating with adrenaline, "I have to go."

"Goodbye...?" Grimmjow called as Nnoitra hurried away, more perplexed than anything.

Nnoitra hated that he couldn't tell anyone; but he hated more that he didn't want to tell anyone. He knew most of the other Espada would laugh at him; hell, Grimmjow would probably never talk to him again. If it were anyone else aside from Barragan who were under these circumstances, Nnoitra would laugh his ass off at them. If it were Barragan, Nnoitra would feel sorry for the kid, and then laugh his ass off at the wrinkly baby bump. Nnoitra's own baby bump was growing so much that it would soon be unmistakable as a pregnancy, even for a male. But he had almost gotten used to it, or even, enjoyed it because it was funny to laugh at in the mirror. And to think someone was growing under there...

"Yeah, I feel sorry for you, kid," Nnoitra said aloud, hushed so no one else would here, "I'm not the greatest parent out there..." He wondered why Szayel even chose him as he entered the main throne room of Las Noches.

Aizen was sitting on the far side of a mahogany desk, sly smile and unruly bitch curl on his face as usual. He held his chin up in his clasped hands, and always looked as if he were about to laugh. His eyes were always so thing, Nnoitra often wondered if those old glasses were for show, or if he had actually needed them. Tousen stood behind him, looking like an able assistant, though, as usual, he looked in the speaker's general direction instead of right at them. The speaker was Szayel, sitting facing the other two, an open box at his feet. Once Nnoitra entered, all three turned to face him as he sat down in the one remaining seat, leaning far back in his chair.

"Welcome, Nnoitra," Aizen smiled, "how are you, my dear Espada?"

"I'm better," Nnoitra said, shrugging indifferently, "I have no clothes to wear."

"We'll get to that," Aizen nodded, sitting up behind his desk, "where's Gin?"

"In a wall somewhere." Nnoitra said darkly.

"What?" Szayel asked, while Aizen merely chuckled.

"I'm sure he'll be around shortly," he said, "but Nnoitra, you're not supposed to be fighting, it could harm the investment!"

"Hey, tell your lap dog to quit barking, then," Spoony said, crossing his arms and his legs and sticking out his tongue, "we can do without him, I was doing the world a favour here."

"That's enough, Nnoitra," Aizen said, the corners of his mouth twitching, "Gin is my right hand man, do your best not to insult him. When you insult him, you are insulting me. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say it's the hormones talking."

"Well, actually, the hormones have evened out by now," Szayel said matter-of-factly, "but pregnant wo—people tend to stay a little on the emotional side the whole way through."

"Good, Szayel," Aizen nodded, "you've read your book, have you?"

"Yes, Aizen-sama." Szayel smiled like a nerd being honoured by the teacher. Nnoitra rolled his eye, running his hands up and down his little bump, which was quickly turning into a big bump, out of boredom.

"What about you, Nnoitra, have you read the guide I assigned you?" Aizen asked, his eyes following Nnoitra's hands up and down his torso.

"No," Nnoitra said, "I've been sleeping a lot."

"And hanging out with that Fraccion." Szayel scoffed.

"Who, Ivonne? Yeah, well, that's 'cause she's awesome," Nnoitra said, "and she actually cares about how I'm feeling, not the baby for once."

"This is interesting," Aizen said, "who is this Ivonne?"

"My new Fraccion." Nnoitra said.

"You didn't consult me about having a new Fraccion," Aizen tested, "I didn't approve of this."

"That's because he stole her from Zommari." Szayel said this with too much enjoyment, as if he loved to see Nnoitra sweat beside him.

"Shut the fuck up, Szayel!" Nnoitra cried, his eye bulging and his hair in his face as he sat up in the chair, "you'll get her deported!"

"You'll have to bring this _Ivonne_ to me after this meeting, Nnoitra," Aizen said, "and I shall get Zommari, and you two will find an agreement with her, ah, Gin." Aizen looked past the two Espada to see the doors open, and Gin, his hair and clothes covered in dry wall, enter.

"Sorry I'm late, Aizen-sama," Gin bowed, hurrying to Aizen's side, "I was stuck behind a column and couldn't get out on my own...I had to wait for Ulquiorra to come and fish me out."

"It's not problem, Gin," Aizen waved at him, "now then, let's get down to business. I want to know how the baby is doing."

"He's doing very well, indeed," Szayel cried, pulling pictures of the ultrasound out of his shirt pocket like a proud parent, "he's developing normally, or even abnormally in speed and size. Judging from Nnoitra's size, and the size of his abdomen already, I suspect this baby will be very large in size."

"Hell yeah!" Nnoitra cried, "a real man of a baby!"

"So it's male?" Aizen asked, his one eyebrow still raised at Nnoitra's fist-pumping sight.

"No, no, no," Szayel shook his head, flipping the hair out of his eyes, "we cannot tell the gender as of yet. But Nnoitra is at sixteen weeks; therefore we can do an ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby presently."

"Please tell me once you know." Aizen said.

"Also," Szayel turned to Nnoitra, "have you felt any movement from the baby as of yet?"

"Yes," Nnoitra nodded, "today it scared the shit out of me and Grimmjow. I had to blame it on gas."

"Did he believe you?" Gin asked. Nnoitra glared at him.

"I think so," he sat up in his seat and looked Aizen straight in the eyes, "by the way, Aizen-sama...when are you going to tell everyone? Because, short of staying in my room all day, which is boring as hell, I can't keep this secret for much longer. I mean, I know you're not the guy to tell people your plans right away, but this is kinda bothersome for me..."

"I shall tell the other Espada and their Fraccion at twenty weeks," Aizen said, "until then, continue the facade as you have been. Most of the Espada already have their beliefs and suspicions. There's no point in telling them yet as it is not necessary to your health as of yet," he rose to his feet and walked away, saying, "that is all I wanted to know. We'll have our next meeting in a month."

"Here, I gathered these from around the palace and Hueco Mundo," Szayel said, lifting the box from the ground and handing it to Nnoitra, "you're welcome." He stomped away, and for a moment, Nnoitra wondered if he impregnated himself, because he sure was moody.

"Oh, yes, Nnoitra," Aizen said as Nnoitra still watched Szayel stomp off, "the Fraccion you stole from Zommari?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you take her?" Aizen said. Nnoitra looked sceptically over his leader's shoulder at Tousen and Gin, "don't worry about them, Nnoitra," Aizen said without following his line of vision, "just tell me so I can make my decision clearly."

"She...she's really...nice," Nnoitra said slowly, as if the words pained him, "she's my...friend."

"And nothing more?" Aizen asked, a smile at the corner of his mouth.

"No," Nnoitra shook his head, his straight black hair tossing across his paling face, "nothing more, Aizen-sama."

"Alright," Aizen folded his hands behind his back, "then bring her in when I call you, and I shall tell you what I shall do with her."

"Okay," Nnoitra shifted uncomfortably, "can I go now?"

"Of course," Aizen said, turning and walking back towards Gin and Tousen, "see you soon, Nnoitra."

Nnoitra shrugged and left, carrying the box back to his room, where he found Tesla braiding Ivonne's long black hair in front of the mirror.

"O-oh, hi, Nnoitra-sama!" Tesla stammered sheepishly, dropping Ivonne's hair, "didn't think you'd come back so soon-"

"What the fuck is up with Szayel?" Nnoitra walked past them and flopped onto the bed, laying the box down next to him and laying a pillow over his face, "he was totally pissed at me today."

"What makes you think that?"Ivonne asked, standing up and sitting next to Nnoitra on the bed.

"He didn't say goodbye."

"He could have been busy."

"I doubt it," Nnoitra threw the pillow at Tesla, but even that didn't make him feel better. He sighed, "we were supposed to have an ultrasound today."

"This week," Ivonne corrected , running her fingers up and down the bedding, "not today, but anytime this week. I'm sure it's nothing, Nnoitra-kun."

"Thank you, Ivonne." Spoony smiled, though it still came across as creepy. Tesla screamed from his spot across the room, "what the hell, Tesla?"

"You said thank you," Tesla cried "I really didn't think it was possible."

"Seriously, Tesla, if you're going to scream at everything I do I'm going to get up and slap you," Nnoitra threatened, "I mean, if I really wanted to..."

"There's good news, Nnoitra-kun," Ivonne said, "you're almost 20 weeks, which is halfway there!"

"Shit, we're not even half-way?" Nnoitra cried, "_Fuck___I thought I was almost done."

"I'd be enjoying the pregnancy," Ivonne said, "the labour's the worst part."

"Labour?"

"Has no one told you?" Ivonne gasped, "have you never gone to the human world?"

"Uh," Nnoitra looked her in the golden eyes, "you mean after I died?"

"Yes, of course," She rolled them, "you've never been to watch the humans?"

"No, I don't think so," Nnoitra tapped his chin, "yo, Tes?"

"Yes, Nnoitra-sama?" Tesla was still standing in the corner blushing.

"Did Aizen ever drag us to the human world?"

"For the Espada picnic two years ago," Tesla nodded, "but we went to Japan, which is almost the same as Soul Society."

"You should see New York!" Ivonne cried, "the lights everywhere..."

"Hey," Tesla cried, coming a step closer, "if you're one of Zommari's Fraccion, how can you have seen the human world."

"I..." Ivonne was speechless, while Nnoitra chucked another pillow at his Fraccion.

"You're so annoying, Tesla!"

"But I'm right!" He cried, "she's lying...about something!"

"_Tesla!_"

"Hello?" Szayel entered the room slowly, running his hands through his hair as if it had been braided moments before, "oh good, you're all clothed this time."

"Hello, Szayel!" Ivonne smiled, waving, "how are you?"

"..." Szayel gazed upon the mysterious girl as if she had grown a third eye, "I am well, thank you, Meavwen. "

"Why didn't you say goodbye to Nnoitra-kun?" She cried, getting up and staring Szayel in the eyes, who backed away from the fierce Fraccion slightly.

"What's the point of this?"

"You hurt his feelings." She crossed her arms and frowned, resembling Harribel in more ways than Nnoitra would like to admit.

"I'm very sorry, Nnoitra," Szayel bowed, his pink hair falling in front of his face, "I didn't mean to upset you, Jiruga."

"You didn't upset me," Nnoitra said dully, "I'm not a pansy like you."

"So what are we talking about?" Szayel asked, leaning up against Nnoitra's dresser.

"Nnoitra hasn't been back to the human world since he died." Ivonne said, sitting down next to Tesla in the corner. The blond-haired Fraccion blushed, smiling at her like a fool.

"Really?" Szayel said, watching Ivonne like a hawk, "that's a shame. I visit all the time to find things for my lab."

"Don't agree, Szayel," Ivonne nodded, "that we should visit again?"

"Why?" Nnoitra moaned from his spot on the bed, "I'm not really feeling all that well..."

"We need to go to get stuff for the baby, anyways!" Ivonne cried, "like a crib and stuff!"

"I'm pretty sure there isn't one in Hueco Mundo." Tesla nodded. The two Espada stared at the Fraccion; Tesla looked away, his face turning red, "it was just a thought."

"It was a very good thought, Tesla," Ivonne smiled warmly, "I agree with him, there isn't anything here to accommodate a baby! I've got the mother's instinct...or at least I have more than Nnoitra. I can come with you and help you!"

"Oh god!" Nnoitra cried behind them on the bed, "what the _fuck_ is _this_, Szayel? Really?" He held up a green maternity top with frills and a built-in belt, "you gave this to me to _wear_?"

"I thought that stuff was good!" Szayel cried, seemingly offended.

"Look at this!" Nnoitra threw the green top at Szayel, "ugh, it looks like a fucking cabbage barfed on a piece of fabric."

"..."Szayel looked from the top to Nnoitra and back again. "...well, I liked it."

"These are all so ugly!" Nnoitra cried, dumping the box out onto the bed, "that's it, we'll go into the human world and steal some men's clothing!"

"I don't think they make men's clothing in you size." Szayel said quietly.

"Alright!" Ivonne jumped up, pumping her fist, "I'm an expert at sneaking out! Let's go!"

Szayel had gigais for them all; he said it was his hobby. He even had one for Ivonne, claiming he had been 'bored'. Once they had gotten into their gigai's, Nnoitra slightly annoyed that even in gigai form he couldn't ditch the baby bump, they went out a back entrance Ivonne showed them.

"I sneak out of Hueco Mundo all the time," she whispered, leading them down a dark passage way that would lead outside, "I mean, I know you're not supposed to, but it's so fun to watch the humans."

They made it outside to the desert; white sand and black sky for as far as the eye can see. Szayel casually lifted his hand to the sky and tapped it; a large black hole appeared, _Garganta_, the tunnel between Hueco Mundo, Soul Society, and the Human World.

"Shall we go?" Szayel asked, peering over his glasses.

"You look nervous, Tesla," Ivonne said, smiling as they entered the black pit and started to run, "want to hold my hand?"

"I'm pretty sure he'd like to hold your hand even if he wasn't nervous," Nnoitra panted, already slowing his pace, "hey, slow down, guys, I can't run..."

"OH, for god's sake," Szayel grabbed Nnoitra's hand and pulled him along, "it wouldn't be good for you to die here after all this."

"Yo, Szayel?"

"Yes, Nnoitra?"

"You're holding my hand." Nnoitra's wiggled his eyebrow in the darkness.

"I hope that's the hormones," Szayel said, "I'm the only one allowed to be suggestive around here!"

"There it is, Nnoitra-sama," Ivonne cried from ahead of them, "we're going to New York City, right?"

"I don't know!" Nnoitra cried, looking to Szayel, who nodded, "yeah, we are."

"Alright, here we go, then." Ivonne halted, opening the sky once more over New York City. Still holding a red-faced Tesla, she jumped out the hole, dragging the screaming blond with her.

"Yo, Szayel?"

"..._yes_, Nnoitra?"

"They're not going to die, are they?"

"Don't be stupid," Szayel said, walking out the garganta, walking on thin air, "this works even in a gigai."

"Oh, yeah." Nnoitra walked out behind the scientist, walking down with him until they hit the ground in an alley way next to their friends. Ivonne was busy laughing at Tesla, who looked similar to a heart attack victim, his hair blown into a blond afro.

"I-it's not funny, Ivonne-san." Tesla gasped, holding his chest.

"You know it is!" Ivonne roared, her black hair falling in front of her face.

"Okay, uh, Szayel?" Nnoitra asked, shoving his hands in his pyjama-pants pockets, "Won't the humans question us? You're wearing your Arrancar uniform, and I'm...pregnant. It's a little noticeable, don't you think?"

"Nah," Ivonne said, "this is New York, and everyone dresses like this. But, if you have a problem," she walked across the dank, dark alley way, "I've hidden these here for whenever I came." She stuck her hand underneath a dumpster, and pulled out a black bag with a tie. Untying it, she showed them some human clothes and a shiny silver credit card that gleamed in the lights of the city, "this is a credit card that you can use to buy things with. It usually works, but sometimes it doesn't for some reason. The woman said 'overcharged' last time, but whatever. We can use it to buy human clothes and the baby stuff to take back to Las Noches. Here, I have two!" She stuck her hand deeper into the back, finding and handing Szayel a red version of the same thing, "I took it off a woman a few months ago."

"Fine," Szayel said, crossing his arms, "you and Tesla go buy stuff for the nursery, and Nnoitra and I will look for things he find appropriate to wear in the coming months."

"What?" Nnoitra asked, finally catching his breath and leaning his tall frame against the dumpster, "why would we split up?"

"Because seeing two men shopping for baby stuff, when one has a mysterious bump like that is suspicious," Ivonne said, nodding towards Szayel, "even in New York. When you're shopping for clothes, you'll just look fat to them."

"I'm not fat," Nnoitra said, "alright. Buy something nice, I'll have to stare at it in my room for a while."

"I doubt it'd go in your room," Szayel said, slipping the credit card in his pocket, "the baby will grow up under Aizen-sama's care, remember?"

"Wait, what?" Nnoitra asked as his friends left the alley way. He caught up quickly with his long legs.

"While the child is _ours_," Szayel said, "the child is for Aizen. He said so at our first meeting, but I suppose you were still in shock then."

"Yeah, but..." Nnoitra tugged at the bottom of his shirt as they walked along, "I thought that he'd still live with us, you know?"

"Live with us?" Szayel looked back at him, one of his eyebrows raised.

"I meant live with me."

"You wouldn't be able to take care of a child," Szayel said, "even with my guidance. Don't kid yourself. Aizen is the best answer for everything. Oh, don't look so upset, it makes you look like you have a heart."

"No," Nnoitra said, "I lost that years ago."

"We're going in here," Szayel said, nodding his chin towards a store front marked 'Big, Tall, Extra Tall, and Short', "Meavwen?"

"Yes, Szayel-sama?"

"You continue onwards, then find a car and come back here," he looked at her slyly, "I supposed you'd have no trouble stealing a car?"

"None at all," Ivonne said, "c'mon, Tesla-kun, we've got a job to do." She grabbed Tesla's hand and sped off, dragging the Fraccion behind her.

"They are so cute together," Szayel cooed, watching them leave, "That Ivonne really is strange."

"Coming from you, that's a big call," Nnoitra looked in the store front, "but even you aren't nearly as strange as these humans. Look, they're talking to each other and not even carrying a weapon!"

"Yes, it's called being friendly," Szayel rolled his eyes, "let's go in, shall we?"

They entered the surprisingly busy store; Szayel was the shortest person in there, at only 6-foot-one. Nnoitra still stood taller than the humans, but only barely. A tall man in a suit came over and greeted them.

"Welcome, sirs," he said, shaking both their hands, obviously ignoring their shocked and disgusted faces, "what can I do for you?"

"Uh..." Nnoitra stared down at the human and his hand, droning like a broken computer. Szayel jabbed him in the back to get him to stop.

"We've just come back from a party," he said, motioning at their clothing, "and we have no clothes to wear for the rest of the week as our bags were left at the airport."

"...Oh...kay?" The clerk looked at them strangely.

"And, as you can see," Szayel continued, "my friend here is a giant and needs clothes that suit both his stature and his style," he cleared his throat, "or rather my style because he is an idiot and I'm the one who has to look at him."

"Alright," the handsome store-person smiled, running his hands through his slicked-back blond hair, "what type of clothing are you gentlemen looking for?"

"Just casual clothing," Szayel said as the man led the group through the store towards the back, "something he could maybe relax...spend a night in with...you know?"

"Uh," the store-person, "yes, sir. Here we have our new line of casual clothes by Calvin Klein, specially made for larger men."

"Yes, men," Szayel stroke his chin, flipping the hair out of his eyes as he scanned the cloth-filled racks, "we'll take whatever you got. No pants, though. My friend here likes sweat pants."

"Alright, sir," he nodded enthusiastically, "may we head to the change rooms to try your items on?"

"Change rooms?" Szayel asked, his eyebrow raising, "sounds sexy."

"Pardon, sir?"

"Shut up, Szayel." Nnoitra whacked him on the head, "let's just get the stuff and leave."

"Ow!" Szayel turned and glared at his companion, "whatever, we have to try it on to make sure it fits," he turned to the blond-haired man, "lead the way, sir."

They took an extra-large version of every shirt, and some pants that Szayel _really_ wanted to try on, and headed to the change rooms across from the underwear. The stalls were extra tall and wide to accommodate the store's customers, and Nnoitra had no trouble taking off his clothing, even with his lanky arms. He then noticed the mirror, and was examining his bloated figure desolately when Szayel burst in without knocking.

"Ah!" Nnoitra cried, covering all the important bits with his hands, "Szayel, what the fuck?"

"What," Szayel asked, his face falling, "I wanted to show you my pants."

"Couldn't you have waited until I had pants?"

"Oh, you're naked. See, I didn't notice."

"Woah," Nnoitra cringed as the baby flipped for the second time, "shit, I'm never going to get used to that."

"Used to what?" Szayel asked, coming closer.

"The baby started kicking me and doing flips and shit." Nnoitra said. Szayel smiled like a neurotic scientist with a test tube.

"Let me feel!" He placed his hands on Nnoitra's stomach. Uncontrollably, Nnoitra blushed, remembering he was naked...and Szayel's hands were there...his nose started to tingle.

"I can feel him," Szayel said gleefully, glancing up at Nnoitra, his face falling, "uh, Nnoi, your nose is bleeding."

"My what?" Nnoitra brought his fingers to his nose; they came back covered in blood, "oh, _shit!_"

"You're going to get us kicked out of the store!" Szayel cried, "you're bleeding everywhere!"

"You're the one who's playing 'trading change rooms'! Get out!" Nnoitra cried, clenching his nose.

Szayel hurried out of the room, adding on the way out.

"But, Nnoitra, you do know what a nosebleed means?"

"What?"

"That you were turned on." Szayel smiled, running out of the room as Nnoitra threw a pile of clothes at him. _No, that's not true_, Nnoitra told himself, _I wasn't turned on...not by that pink headed freak...I'm not drunk, either, so why did I..._ He pinched his nose shut and, afraid of Szayel crashing in again, put his pyjama pants back on. _This is so wrong..._

"Fuck," He took his shirt and used it to stop his nose. His hands were shaking, and he wasn't sure why, "yo, Szayel, are you there?"

"Yes." Szayel's voice came drifting from under the door.

"Can we just take the clothes and leave?"

"If you want to, then yes." Szayel said, "I like my uniform better than these clothes, anyways."

"Szayel?"

"Yes?"

"I did like those pants, though."

Once they got back to Las Noches, Nnoitra locked himself in his room and slept; he had the oddest dreams that he didn't want to see. He wondered how Starrk slept so often, and decided that his dreams must be a lot better than his own. This wasn't going the way he wanted at all. No one would take him seriously, and he was no longer feared in Las Noches, but laughed at. He missed Santa Teresa and beating Grimmjow's ass every other day. He missed evoking fear into the Fraccion; now Ivonne just laughed at him and called him cute. And the worst part; he was only half way there.

It was two weeks until Nnoitra even let Tesla back into the room. Tesla had been going back and forth to the kitchen for Nnoitra, but the Espada refused to let him in once he delivered the goods. Then, one day, Nnoitra opened the door for the worrisome Fraccion and let him back in.

"Come in," He grumbled, as Tesla scrambled in from his spot on the floor, "yo, were you just sitting there all the time?"

"Except when I went to the kitchen for you, Nnoitra-sama." Tesla said. Nnoitra crossed his arms; he was wearing his new clothing from New York, gray sweat pants and a baggy green sweater made of thin cotton.

"You could have gone back to your room," Nnoitra grunted, "you didn't have to stay there."

"Yes, but then Nnoitra-sama would have to come find me,' Tesla ran his hands through his hair, adjusting his thick black gloves, "besides, that's where Ivonne is. I told her to just leave me here."

"That's very noble of you," Nnoitra sneered, "anyways, come with me, we're going to Szayel's domain. I'm pretty sure I'm over due for an ultra-thingy."

"Oh yeah," Tesla said, hurrying after his long-legged master, "Szayel did come a few times. But I told him you were really upset about something and that you didn't want to see him, like you said."

"I told you to tell him to fuck off."

"Yes, but I thought that was a little rude, so..." he laughed sheepishly, "I'm sorry Nnoitra-sama!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," He came to the door of Szayel's lab, pushing it open with one large hand, "yo! Szayel! It's me...and your son!"

"I'm not Szayel's son...?" Tesla said, resulting in a smack in the head from Nnoitra.

"I meant the baby, idiot."

"O-oh. I'm sorry Nnoitra-sama."

"Nnoitra!" Szayel seemed to come out of nowhere and hugged Nnoitra, who, on his pregnant and slightly delirious state, couldn't fend the man off.

"Hey! Get the fuck off me!" He finally managed to push Szayel away, "what the hell are you doing?"

"Dare I say I missed you," Szayel said, pushing his white-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose, "and I was worried sick about what you might be doing to our baby."

"Shut up, I'm not that irresponsible," Nnoitra said, pushing past him towards the familiar bed and ultrasound machine, "at least, not anymore. I'm here for that ultra-sound thing that we were supposed to do."

"Exactly," Szayel said, nodding, following Nnoitra, "we're going to see the sex of the baby, today."

"Will he look more like a baby and less like a pale-gray blob?" Tesla asked receiving a smack on the head from Nnoitra.

"He looked cute and you know it!" Nnoitra cried, "you're just jealous."

"Okay, hop on the bed and take your top off." Szayel said with a smile usually reserved for sex offenders.

"Szayel, why does everything you say have to sound so damn suggestive?" He took his top off as he was told and sat down on the bed while Szayel turned on the machine.

"I'm sorry, I sit around studying anatomy, sue me for wanting to experience it myself," Szayel took the bottle of gel and squirted it on Nnoitra's abdomen, "let's see what's going on in there."

"I'm so glad you're not a real doctor," Nnoitra said, staring up at the black-and-white screen, "hey, look, it's Hueco Mundo!"

"No, that's our baby. See, here's it's head..."

"It's a him." Nnoitra was adamant. Szayel smiled as he looked at the screen.

"Hm, I guess your maternal instincts aren't as strong as you thought."

"What do you mean?" Nnoitra sat up and eyed the screen; a grayish blob that pulsated like a heartbeat. _That is his heartbeat..._

"Well," Szayel said slowly, "if it's a boy, then he had no penis."

"He's a mutant?"

"He's a girl."

"..." Nnoitra stared at the gray screen as if it were lying to him, "no way! _What is this madness?_"

"Hey, you had a fifty-fifty chance, you just guessed wrong."

"No!" Nnoitra cried, almost looking as if he were about to cry, "no! Now we can't look at porn together!"

"I'm open minded, I don't care what gender she prefers." Szayel said.

"This is going to be so awkward!" Nnoitra wailed, "No!"

"It's not the end of the world," Szayel tried to console him, "at least she's healthy."

"I suppose..."

"And you can use boys chasing her as an excuse to attack people," he said, "because you know, with my genetics she's be _gorgeous_."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Awh, Nnoitra," Szayel sounded as if he were charmed, "Tesla console the poor bastard."

"Uh..." Tesla flailed about for a moment, not wanting to touch Nnoitra in case he attacked him.

"I have good news, though," Szayel said, "she's not deformed!"

"Not having a penis is deformed."

"Look at her," Szayel cooed, nodding towards the screen. Nnoitra gasped; the baby...looked like a baby. She had two closed eyes, a curved nose like Nnoitra, and a round little face like an angel. Nnoitra's eyes went wide, or at least the visible one did. His mouth opened, too, and for some reason, he felt like he needed to cry, "isn't she beautiful, Nnoita?"

"Yes, she...she is." He nodded, "God, I don't feel like a man at all. I feel like I'm going to cry."

"Real men cry," Szayel said, smiling, "besides, if you didn't feel like that, you'd either have no heart, or your hormones have evened out. By the way, have you bladder issues evliated yet?"

"A bit, yeah." Nnoitra was still staring at the screen, "oh god, I feel so sorry for women! They're pathetic and helpless _and _have to do this!"

"Ivonne's not pathetic and helpless." Tesla said quietly.

"I think Ivonne's secretly a man," Nnoitra said stiffly, "that's why I'm not attracted to her."

"You lie." Szayel said, turning off the machine and handing Nnoitra a towel.

"No, I swear, I'm not attracted to her."

"You lie about not being attracted to men." He smiled. Nnoitra leaned over to smack him, but his stomach was in the way. Grumbling, he wiped the gel off of himself and put his shirt back on.

"You're talking about the nosebleed," he sneered, "well, I did some research, and nosebleeds are actually a symptom because..."he trailed off, "...well, I forget why, but, yeah, it's a symptom!"

"Look at this," He had walked over to a mirror on one of Szayel's walls, "look at this! I look like a potato!"

"Yes, you're showing now, at eighteen weeks," Szayel seemed unimpressed, "you really have no respect for your body. It'll get better than that, you know, and it'll go back to that...spoon shape you had before."

"Uh, Szayel-sama," Tesla asked meekly, "while I was outside Nnoitra's room, Aizen-sama came past and asked to see the results from the ultrasound. I told him it wasn't done yet, and..." Tesla's eyes grew large with fear, "he looked so scary, and angry. So he said he's come here and ask for them from you himself."

"Aizen is nothing to be afraid of," Szayel said, though his face was paling, "this is _my _experiment. I'll do what I want, and I'll have my way."

"And I want to speak to him," Nnoitra said, "because you said...that the baby would grow up with him, like another Gin. I fucking hate Gin. I won't let that happen, even if I have to fight Aizen myself!"

"Yes, I would like the say that," Szayel said bluntly, "a pregnant _man _without a sword taking on the most powerful being in Hueco Mundo," he laughed, "I'd pay to see that."

"I mean after I..." they walked towards the door, Nnoitra's hand on his stomach, feeling the baby kick him in the rib cage, "oh yeah, Szayel, how on earth are we gonna get her out?"

"Good point," Szayel said, "I'm not too sure."


	5. The Secret Plan

Chapter 5: The Secret Plan

(18 weeks, second trimester)

Szayel strode down the white halls of Las Noches, his back straight like a pin; unlike his sexual preference. He was worried, but he kept his face blocked and did not show that he was afraid of what Aizen had to say. _Why wouldn't he tell me to my face? _He asked himself as he hurried to the throne room, _he told Tesla instead of me...maybe he would have gotten to angry at me if he were to come to me. Or maybe...it's an evil plan to get me nervous. I am nervous; if this were to do with the pregnancy, he'd have called for Nnoitra, as well..._He swallowed his nerves and entered the throne room; a high ceilinged, long room with a single white throne in the middle. The wooden desk Aizen had used so many times had disappeared, and Aizen himself was sitting in the throne, Tousen and Gin on either side.

"Welcome, Szayel," Aizen said, rising from his throne and coming down to face the stony-faced scientist, "I'm glad you came, I only asked Tesla to pass on my message today. I suppose you'd be more successful at this than he."

"Yes, what is the problem?"

"It has to do with Nnoitra," Aizen said, "and his Fraccion, the one who came from Zommari, supposedly."

"Supposedly?" He raised a pink eyebrow, "what do you suppose?"

"I talked to Zommari," Aizen said, staring the scientist down. "he has never heard of a Meavwen Ivonne. The name seemed familiar to me, so I thought back," his smile disappeared and the air around the two went cold, "to when I first were assembling the Espada. Do you remember so long ago, Szayel?"

"Just barely." He replied curtly.

"I asked a woman for the position of_ septimo, _she accepted. But a few weeks later, she came back to me and told me she would like to withdraw from the Espada. When I told her this was not possible, she disappeared into the human world. When we searched for her, her reiatsu seemed to have disappeared, so we assumed she had died," he gave an icy look to Szayel, "I suppose you have guessed who I'm speaking of."

"Meavwen?" Szayel said, "I detect barely a reiatsu around her, this is not possible-"

"It is," Aizen said, "I remember the name. All I can assume is that she's come back to take down Las Noches from within, and she's starting with Nnoitra and you. I want you to gain Nnoitra's trust and get any information she might have told him out of him. Then bring it back to me," Aizen breathed in deeply, folding his hands behind his back, "that is your new mission."

"Gain his trust?"

"Without telling him the plan. I have the suspicion he trusts Ivonne more than anyone, so you must become even closer to him than she is. By any means necessary," he smiled slightly, "sleep with him if you have to."

"Uh," Szayel was really sweating now, and letting it show, "Aizen-sama...I..."

"Szayel, you are a smart man. I trust in you. Ivonne is a threat to not only I, but everyone here. If she plans a rebellion, which might be what she's doing, this hierarchy in Las Noches is doomed," he placed a hand on Szayel's shoulder, "I'm putting all my trust in you, Szayel, don't let me down." The ex-shinigami smiled and turned back to his throne, before halting and facing Szayel once more, "by the way, did you find out the gender of my baby?"

"Oh, yes," Szayel faked a smile, "it's a girl."

"Alright," Aizen said, "let's hope she is strong enough."

Szayel nodded and turned on his heels, fleeing back to his lab. This would take more than science to complete.

(20 Weeks, second trimester)

"Fuck..." a moan of pain came floating down the barren halls of the palace as Meavwen Ivonne strode towards Jiruga Nnoitra's room. _I wonder what's wrong, _the female Fraccion thought as the moaning grew louder. She pushed open the door in a panic, a worried look on her face. She saw Nnoitra standing in front of the mirror, his shirt lifted up as he examined his stomach. He was poking at his belly button, which looked red a swollen. Tesla was standing next to him, staring at it as well, a curious look on his face. Both men jumped when they saw Ivonne.

"Ah!" Nnoitra dropped his shirt, his face going red slightly, "Ivonne?"

"What's wrong?" she asked, entering the room and crossing it in one bound, "I could hear you moaning down the hall."

"My belly button..." Nnoitra cried, lifting up his shirt once more.

"It popped out," Tesla said, "it looks painful."

"Damn baby made it inside out!" Nnoitra cried, still poking at it in the mirror. Ivonne laughed.

"Tell her I said good job." She snickered, "I can't believe you're having a girl! How fabulous!"

"I can't believe it either. I'm sure you're having fun."

"Girls are cute." Tesla said quietly.

"I'm surprised you say so, Tesla, I'd have assumed you'd say that about a boy," Szayel appeared at the doorway, adjusting his glasses on his face, "hello, Nnoitra, what are you doing?"

" Yo, Szayel!" Nnoitra cried, staring at his pink-haired accomplice in the mirror, "look at this!" He pointed at his stomach, yelling in frustration.

"It's alright," Szayel said, putting on his rape face and coming closer, "you still look good."

"Uh," Nnoitra looked at him suspiciously, "okay? Oh, hey, twenty weeks today!" He fist pumped, "half way done! I'd suggest we go out drinking, but...well, I don't want to be a drunken pregnant Espada around you."

"I don't want you to be a drunken pregnant Espada either!" Szayel said sternly, "it might interfere with my research."

"No, I wouldn't do it," Nnoitra said, sitting down on the bed, "I don't feel like it anyways. And I'd rather eat pickles that drink anyways."

"I'll get you some next time I come," Szayel smiled, his amber eyes like warm honey, "any ways, I was just coming past because Aizen is holding a meeting today."

"Oh yeah," Nnoitra sank back in his bed, his stomach sticking out like a camel's hump, "to tell everyone that I got a baby stuck to my insides."

"That's a way of putting it, yes."

"Yo, Szayel?" Nnoitra said, his hand running up and down his bump, "wanna feel something kick-ass?"

"What is it?" Szayel ask, unimpressed.

"Look, she's kicking me in the ribs," Nnoitra smiled like a fiend, "yo, put your hand here and you'll feel it."

Szayel looked at Nnoitra's face; he looked happier than he ever had. Though he put up a miserable facade, it was almost as if he was...enjoying it! Szayel could believe it; though he had caused this trauma, he never wished it upon anyone. It was almost startling to see that someone was smiling through it.

"She's gonna stop if you don't feel it soon," Nnoitra said. He grabbed Szayel's hand and placed it on his stomach, a little too forcefully, "see, you can feel it, right?"

"Yes, I can," Szayel smiled, noting how warm Nnoitra's hands were. There was something else...it was like Szayel himself felt warm, but not his skin...his heart. _What is this..._it was the way he felt about Nnoitra; he hadn't felt it in quite a long time, and it scared him slightly,_ it can't be..._He found himself smiling like a lunatic.

"It's cool eh?" Nnoitra smiled back at him, "it's kinda annoying, though, 'cause she does it all the time and it keeps me up at night. I think she's going to be super powerful, she kicks really hard."

"That's good," Szayel said, "Aizen-sama will like that." A dark cloud fell over his face.

"Oh, Aizen," He said, "is it wrong for me to hate him? Hell, I don't care if it's wrong or not; I bloody hate him."

"Why would you say that?" Szayel asked, awkwardly running his hands through his hair and getting t his feet.

"Because..."Nnoitra's voice faded away, before coming back with a vengeance, "because I had to do all the goddamn work and he gets to keep the end result? That's not fucking fair!"

"Nnoitra-sama," Tesla said, "it's nearly mid-day, and you have to get to the meeting room before the others...and it's not like you walk exceptionally fast anymore."

"Tesla, I'm going to fucking punch you," Nnoitra said from his spot on the bed, "when I get up...help me up!"

It was meant to be an Espada-only meeting; Tesla and Ivonne stayed behind in Nnoitra's room while the quinto and octavo walked down the halls together towards the meeting room.

"I bet he'll have tea," Szayel said, "I'm really in the mood for tea, and he brings it out every time we have a meeting like this."

"Nnoitra, Szayel," Gin came around Nnoitra's side, his smile wide as ever, "I haven't seen you in such a long time, Nnoitra, my, you're looking large. Or are you just big-boned?"

"I'm not in the mood, ant." Nnoitra said darkly.

"Ready for the big announcement?"Gin asked, "ready to tell everyone your secret? I wonder how your _masculine _friends will feel!"

"You know, I never thought of that," Szayel said, scratching his chin, "the repercussions for poor Nnoitra-kun."

"I've thought about it a lot," Nnoitra said, shrugging, "I mean, there's not much else to do around here anymore...y'know, if they mind that much, they obviously don't care so much, and I can rightfully beat their heads in afterwards."

"Nnoitra, really," Szayel rolled his eye, "you sound like a savage."

"That's Yammi," Nnoitra stuck his tongue out, "the idiot will probably be the first to make a stupid remark."

"Oh, don't be so mean to him," Gin said, "you an Yammi both know all about getting _huge_." Szayel had to hold Nnoitra back from strangling the silver-haired man. Cackling like a hyena, Gin ran off into the meeting room ahead of the other two. Nnoitra started to give chase, but decided it was a bad idea in a stride and a half, whit Szayel and the baby weighing him down, Gin was long gone.

"Let's go in already," Nnoitra growled, shaking off Szayel like he was a fly, "who knows, it might even be fun.

"I doubt it." Szayel said, following his friend into the room.

The meeting hall was long and dark, with gray stone walls and a long table with eleven seats. On one side of the room, there was a platform where the door was, that lead towards the table. Nnoitra took his seat; the fifth chair down, while Szayel sat across from him. At the end of the table, Gin and Tousen waited relatively patience for their leader.

"Hello Nnoitra, Szayel." Tousen nodded towards them. Gin next to him was still snickering.

"Hello," Szayel said abruptly, "Nnoitra, I wanted to tell you something."

"Oh yeah?" Nnoitra leaned back in the chair and put his legs on the table, folding his hands behind his head, "what is it?"

"Ah," Szayel leaned forward, drawing figures on the table with his hands, "maybe I should tell you later."

"No, tell me now when there's no one here."

"Gin and Tousen are here!"

"Yeah, but one's blind and the other's too stupid to understand." Nnoitra laughed.

"I can still hear, you realize?" Tousen said, crossing his built arms. Nnoitra's smile fell a bit.

"What did you want to say?" he asked Szayel, "you know, short of killing me, there's not much else you can do that would be worse."

"That's exactly it," Szayel said, lifting his eyes from the table and looking to Nnoitra, "I wanted to say that I was sorry."

"Ah, how touching." Gin said with mock sadness. Nnoitra glared at him.

"Nah," Nnoitra said, "don't worry about it. Know that I want to kick you in the balls continuously for nine months, but don't worry about it."

"You don't hate me?" Szayel asked, "I'm just a lonely scientist wanting to impregnate as many things as possible."

"No, I don't hate you," Nnoitra rolled his eye, "I _do _think your fucking insane, though. Yo, where is everyone?"

"Here they come." Tousen said, nodding towards the door as if opened, spilling a wave of black and white into the room. Ulquiorra came in first and sat in the seat closest to the door on the left, his face white and as depressed looking as a lost puppy. Grimmjow sat across from him, looking bored, his blue air standing on end as usual. Nnoitra took his feet down off the table to disguise the obvious bump, feeling embarrassed about it for the first time. Harribel and Starrk came in next, Starrk sitting next to Ulquiorra, his eyes already drooping as he held his head up with his hands. Harribel sat on Nnoitra's other side, crossing her arms under her chest like usual, looking pissed off, but eyeing Nnoitra out f the corner of her eye. Zommari and Barragan sat on either side of Szayel, both looking as if they were ready to attack at any moment. Zommari sat straight up, like there was a pole up his ass, folding his hands on the table and staring at the sleeping Starrk. Barragan crossed his arms and stared grumpily at Nnoitra, who stuck his long tongue out at the old man. Aaroniero came in, his heads bobbing up and down in their protective helmet, sitting next to Harribel on the end. Finally, Yammi came in, the big hulking beast he is, scratching his head like he didn't understand. He sat down in the last remaining seat next to Aaroniero and Barragan, sighing heavily and resting his head on one massive arm. With everyone there, they waited in silence for their leader. Ulquiorra's large green eyes closed, somehow looking even sadder. Starrk started to snore. Szayel went on drawing circles on the table, and Grimmjow looked suspiciously at Nnoitra, a sneer on his face.

Then, Aizen entered the room. Starrk woke up as the light from the hallway danced across the Espada's faces. Aizen strode in, a smile on his face, his hair falling between his eyes. His white coat caught in the wind of his stride, flapping like a victory flag.

Good afternoon, my dear Espada," he said, his voice like honey, "I'm glad to see you all here."

"What is this meeting about, Aizen?" Grimmjow growled, his eyes fierce.

"Ah, Grimmjow," Aizen smiled, coming forward towards the table, "first, we must have tea."

Nnoitra was almost certain he heard Szayel mutter, "Fucking a, man!"

After they had all had their tea, Aizen set down his cup and spoke.

"I have called this meeting to bring a developing experiment to your attention," he smiled to Nnoitra and Szayel, "you all may know what Fornicaras does?"

The Espada nodded. Yammi looked confused, so Barragan leaned over and whispered something in his ear until he too nodded.

"Szayel, under my permission, developed a way to insert his seed into another male," Aizen continued, "and adjusted the gestation time, from a few minutes to months. It is a good experiment and can be used later to produce more powerful Arrancar, instead of running round the desert finding them all the time," he sighed, before starting again, "and the man chosen to carry out said experiment is Jiruga Nnoitra."

Nnoitra felt all eyes fall on him. He decided to play it cool and yawn as if it were nothing new, muttering , "fuck yeah," under his breath.

"So you're saying..." Yammi started, trailing off as his mind went blank as it usually was.

"He's pregnant?" Starrk asked, his eyes bright for once. Grimmjow started laughing, and the others joined in.

"I don't believe it!" he cried, "Nnoitra, how the hell could you let this happen?"

Nnoitra lowered his hands, his smile turning into a sneer, "dude, I was drunk as shit." Harribel was still laughing about it.

"So you're not just fat?" Grimmjow asked.

"No," Nnoitra said, his voice tinged with darkness, "there's a fucking living being under my skin. I'm telling you I didn't agree to this."

"Well, you would have had to say yes somewhere," Ulquiorra said emotionless, "or else it'd be rape."

"Uh..." Szayel's face went red.

"Espada," Aizen said, and the group went quiet, "I have told you because Nnoitra is now at twenty weeks. It's at this point that the fact can no longer be hidden easily, and the baby will most likely survive. I'd like to ask from you all help and kindness; if you see Nnoitra needs help, please do help him. Just think; we may be performing this experiment numerous times, and you may be next." Aizen smiled slyly as all the men in the room's eyes went wide with fear. Starrk started to snore again.

"Can we go?" Yammi asked, sounding irritated.

"Yes, that is all I ask of you," Aizen said, "I trust that you understand my commands, and take them to heart, because the product of this experiment is to the benefit of not only I, but all of you."

"Oh yeah?" Grimmjow asked harshly, "how so? I don't see how a fucking _baby _will help us."

"Just think, Grimmjow, if it is in your capacity; Nnoitra's power is levelled at cinco, while Szayel is octavo. You add them together, and we've got someone even more powerful than Yammi . This in turn will begin to produce super-Espada by combining the most powerful attributes from you all, filling in the negative numbers from negative ten to negative one. Imagine Starrk and Ulquiorra, how powerful their spawn could be." Both Ulquiorra and Starrk's faces were red as they shifted uncomfortably in their chairs.

"Super-Espada..." Grimmjow mumbled to himself, looking to Nnoitra, who seemed pretty shocked by the revelation himself. The fact that the baby could possibly be stronger than he...it almost frightened him. The little thing started kicking him again, but he didn't move as to not look weird. He was beginning to feel uncomfortable, now.

"This will take time," Aizen said, "but time is something we have much of," he got to his feet and started to walk away, Tousen and Gin at his heels, "please be patient and wait."

He left the dark room, leaving the Espada alone. Now all eyes were on Nnoitra once more.

"Well, if you all don't mind, I'm going to go..."He stood up and walked out of the room, whistling, his hands in his pockets, hoping no one was looking, but knowing everyone was watching.

"Uh, yes," Szayel said, a nervous grin plastered across his face, "good day to you all, aha..." He got to his feet and hurried out of the room after Nnoitra.

"Well, that was an awkward turtle," he said catching up to the tall man, "what to do, now?"

"Did we ever get the nursery together?" Nnoitra asked, his mind far away, "and where is it, anyways? Is Aizen still keeping the baby?"

"As far as I know," Szayel said, "it is in his domain of Las Noches. And yes, he is still planning on raising her. When I spoke to him last, I told him she was...a she, and he said 'let's hope she proves herself'. I'm worried about her future..." he trailed off as they entered Nnoitra's room. Suddenly, his smile brightened, "and soon, we'll pick a name for her."

"We? Hell no, you mean _I_." Nnoitra stuck his tongue out at his friend.

"Uh, Nnoitra," Szayel sat close next to the man on the couch, "may I ask you something?"

"Yeah," Nnoitra said, noticing how close Szayel was but, for some reason, didn't mind, "sure, ask away. It's not like I have any questions."

"Do you trust me?" the scientist asked, his amber eyes boring holes into Nnoitra's soul. _If I have a soul, _Nnoitra thought._ Those eyes, they're so warm_...Nnoitra felt a warm flush pass through his body, leaving him in a cold sweat and his face red hot, _Oh shit, no! I'm not feeling this...about _him!The raven haired Espada looked over Szayel once more; the way his smile tilted to one side, and those warm amber eyes, the way Szayel looked at Nnoitra was so refreshing. Nnoitra felt like passing out, but he took a deep breath, trying to look away from the man next to him, noticing for the first time how warm he was.

"Yeah, I trust you," Nnoitra said, "I really do." Szayel smiled charmingly, sending another wave of emotions through Nnoitra like a quivering leaf.

"That's good." Szayel said, getting to his feet, "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"O-okay."


	6. Super Plotty Chapter!

Chapter 6: Super Plotty Chapter!

(24 weeks, second trimester)

"Nnoitra-sama?" Ivonne's voice broke the silence that had fallen over the room. She looked up at Nnoitra on the bed from her spot on the floor. Tesla next to her fiddled with his card hand; she was kicking his ass at poker, a game she had picked up in the human world.

"What?" Nnoitra asked, his head covered with a pillow as he lay on his side on the bed. He really had to go to the washroom, but he didn't want to have to get up.

"Don't you find it strange how often Szayel-sama has been coming around?" she asked, putting down her hand and causing Tesla to fold again, "he's here almost as often as we are."

"Well, he is expecting a baby," Nnoitra said dryly, "why, are you bothered by him? I know he didn't like you, but he seems to be getting better."

"I don't trust him," Ivonne said, "the way he looks at you...it's weird."

"I like the way he looks at me," Nnoitra cried, before realizing how it sounded, and added, "Tesla I swear if you say anything..."

"I wasn't going to say anything!" Tesla cried, raising his hands as if he were surrendering, "I think you and Szayel-sama make a lovely couple."

"Ivonne, can you slap him for me?" Nnoitra grumbled, smiling when he heard the sound of a hand hitting skin and Tesla's yelp.

"Nnoitra-sama...I wanted to tell you something really important," Ivonne then said, her voice hushed, "I wanted to ask you; do you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you."

"But, do you trust me more than Szayel-sama?" Nnoitra looked up to see her golden eyes peering over his dark purple sheets.

"Why?"

"Because," she inhaled slowly, as if what she was going to say pained her, "because I'm...not really one of Zommari's Fraccion," she said, "or a Fraccion at all, really." Tesla dropped his cards, muttering a 'I'm sorry', and flailing to pick them up again. Nnoitra sat up on the bed.

"What are you?"

"Okay, promise not to tell anyone, or freak out or anything?"

"I think it's too late for the freaking out bit..."

"I was an Espada," Ivonne said, scrambling to her feet and sitting next to Nnoitra, "it was a long time ago, but when Aizen was first assembling the Espada, he asked me to be numero siete. At first, I agreed, but when I saw how this place was...I ran away. I knew they'd look for me, so I went to the human world and became one of them. I never told you guys but I have my own gigai; I got it from a shop keeper with a funny hat in Japan a long time ago. I became really good at the art of disguising my reiatsu, I can make myself nearly invisible to Aizen..."her voice was broken and her breathing ravaged; she looked close to tears.

"But..." Nnoitra looked her over; it made sense. Ivonne did seem too unrestrained to be a Fraccion, and the fact that Zommari never noticed she was gone. Then there was the fact Aizen had a special interest when he mentioned Ivonne's name. Nnoitra's hands were shaking, "why did you even come back? Why are you here?"

"To take down Aizen," Ivonne said quietly, darkly, "don't you see how horribly he treats you all? Like look at this!" she got louder, getting to her feet and gesturing towards Nnoitra with her hands, "he gives Szayel the permission to do this to you, without your consent, and then plans to reap the rewards like it wasn't a person but a tool for him. It seems cruel to me," she closed your eyes, "I know I don't have enough power all on my own, and I'm even a little rusty. That's why I'm waiting until I have most of the Espada on my side," she scanned his face with her golden eyes, "...please don't hate me."

"You..." Nnoitra wasn't sure what to think, "you're lying! This is a joke right?"

"No!" Ivonne cried, "I even have the tattoo, still," she unzipped the top of her uniform down to her belly-button, safely covering her chest with her forearm. Nnoitra wasn't even looking at that, however Tesla was. Nnoitra was staring at the large _7_ tattooed on her left ribcage, "do you believe me?"

"I believe you," Nnoitra nodded, "you want me to help you...defeat Aizen?"

"...don't you want to? Look at him!" Ivonne cried, "he's controlling you guys! It's not right!"

"You seem to forget what Aizen did for us," Tesla said, "don't you remember what we were before? No heart, no soul, wandering for eternity? Serving under Aizen for the chance to feel something again," he suddenly went very quiet, "I'd say yes to him a thousand times over."

"I thought you'd agree," Ivonne said, "you think about my preposition. If you don't say yes, at least don't tell anyone, please, especially Szayel-sama. There's something I don't like about him...," she started for the door, "I'm...going to go for a bit. Just think about it, okay?" She left them in a stunned silence.

"Now I have no one to play cards with!" Tesla cried. Nnoitra in turn shoved in the side with his foot.

"You're not going to tell anyone, Tesla?" Nnoitra asked.

"N-no, Nnoitra-sama. I like Ivonne-kun, even if she is an ex-Espada," he smiled sheepishly, a blush reddening his cheeks, "now I feel like she's out of my league."

"She was out of your league when she was born female," Nnoitra grumbled, "I won't tell anyone if you don't. So don't!"

"O-okay Nnoitra-sama."

Walking the halls of Las Noches felt different, now that everyone knew. Whenever he passed someone, they'd stare at the giant bump the baby was creating.

"This is all your fault," Nnoitra would whisper to himself, or rather, his stomach, on his way to the kitchen. When he went to Szayel's lab for a check up the day prior, the baby was weighted at two pounds.

"She weighs more than she should," Szayel had said, studying chart on a clipboard, tapping his pen to his lip, "I suppose, from her length that I measured in the ultrasound, she is quite a bit longer than the average baby," he looked up, glaring at Nnoitra who sat on the hospital bed shirtless, "this is all your fault, you giant." Nnoitra had gained nearly twenty pounds in baby weight, as well, and wasn't taking kindly to the added weight. He felt like a whale, and he was only just past half way through. What he hated more was that Ivonne was gone; still missing somewhere in the human world. It bothered him that she'd leave so quickly after a rejection; he had thought she was stronger than that. _She was stronger than that; she was an Espada._ Maybe he could help her; train her to fight again. He knew what he didn't want; he didn't want his baby to be in Aizen's hands. _If I help her...I'd be betraying him. But if we defeat him, we'll be free..._He was thinking so intensely, he ran right into Szayel, who was walking down the hall with his nose in a book.

"Ah!" Nnoitra cried, jumping back as if Szayel was a virus, "watch out man!"

"Sorry," Szayel said, peering up with his amber eyes, "I was reading this _very_ interesting book." He held up the manuscript he was reading; a pink, think paperback entitled '1000+ Baby Names!'

"A baby name book?" Nnoitra asked, following Szayel wherever he went.

"Yes," Szayel said simply, "the due-date is getting closer, we should start thinking about what to name her, don't you agree?"

"Uh, I never thought about it, to be honest." Nnoitra said, "what ones do you have in mind?"

"Hm," He flipped through the book with one hand before propping up his glasses, "I thought the name _Mendeleev _was beautiful."

"...what?"

"He was a scientist," Szayel said, unimpressed, "he created the periodic table—"

"We're not naming her after a _scientist_..."

"Why? With my brain she'll be one," he glared at Nnoitra, "well, with your brain counteracting mine, she might turn out average."

"Shut up," Nnoitra wrestled the book out of Szayel's hands from above, "I think I should get to choose her name since I'm the one going through all the pain."

"What, you think having sex with you wasn't painful enough?" Szayel cried, trying to jump to reach the book Nnoitra was holding high above him, "I had to live through seeing you naked!"

"You know you enjoyed it," Nnoitra said, scanning the books pages, "ha! We can name her _Justice."_

"Oh god, no," Szayel put his hands on his hips and glared with all his might as Nnoitra leaned against a column and read on, "what about Apple? I heard some human celebrity named her kid that. Oh, I like this one! Gabriel, I like that! Like the angel, you know?"

"Gabriel is a boy's name," Szayel said flatly, "just because you name it with a boy's name doesn't make her grow an appendage. If we're going with boy to girl names, how about_ Szayella."_

"Oh, don't even joke," Nnoitra flipped through the book, "and Gabriel is still better than Mantle-whatever."

"Mendeleev! That's a classy name..."

"What about..." he smiled as if he had just seen a naked woman, "Verena. It means strong in battle," he closed the book, "that's it, I'm not budging. Verena Jiruga sounds good."

"Verena?" Szayel asked, his pink eyebrow twitching, "_Verena?_" he grabbed the book from Nnoitra's hand, "there _has _to be something better than that!"

"There isn't!" Nnoitra howled.

"Sofia!" Szayel said dreamily, "what a beautiful name! Sofia Jiruga, that sounds _amazing_."

"Sofia sounds stupid," Nnoitra said, his hand itching for his sword, "I'll fight you! I swear, if I have to call her _Sofia_ for the rest of eternity—"

"I accept this challenge," Szayel said, garnishing the sword that hung around his waist, "if I can't beat you while you're pregnant, I shouldn't be an Espada at all."

"You're not serious?" Nnoitra cried, a little horrified, "_Tesla!_"

"Nnoitra-sama?" The blond-haired Fraccion appeared out of a nearby cross hall, pulling on his thick black gloves.

"Fight Szayel for me." Nnoitra said, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall, "I'm not allowed because apparenty he's serious."

"He wants to name the baby _Verena_," Szayel said, "don't you agree, Tesla-kun that Sofia is just a much higher caliber name?"

"I..." Tesla looked from his master to the pink-haired scientist, "I really don't like either, to be honest."

"What?" Nnoitra cried, "Szayel, give me the book," Szayel handed the pink book to Nnoitra, who chucked it at Tesla's head, "they're both good names, idiot!"

"I thought you didn't like the name Sofia?" Tesla asked, scratching his head. There was silence, before Nnoitra gave Tesla the death eye and said:

"Don't ask me I don't know anything anymore!"

"Verena isn't _that _bad, I suppose," Szayel finally said, his eyebrows knotted together, he put away his sword.

"If you both like both names...why don't you just use both?" Tesla said, "Verena Sofia Jiruga...since you two aren't married or anything." Nnoitra shrugged, looking over to Szayel, who looked back dully.

"Don't look at me like that, I'm not proposing," he said, "anyways, I suppose we can compromise...I wasn't going to actually fight you."

"Verena Sofia," Nnoitra said, "V.S...Ha, we can call her Versus."

"Versus? I like that."

The three walked back to Nnoitra's room together, Szayel and Nnoitra in stride with each other, Tesla scurrying behind.

"Tesla-kun, why were you hiding in the cross-hall?" Szayel asked the blond, who seemed to be fiddling with his eye patch behind them.

"Oh, uh," Tesla started, "I was looking for Ivonne-san. I miss playing strip poker with her, and I was wondering if she was back yet."

"Back yet?" Szayel asked, "she left?"

"Yeah, she ran off to the human world," Nnoitra said, elbowing Tesla in the side and sending him flying into the wall, "and strip poker? Really, Tesla, if you molest my Fraccion I'm going to kill you."

"I'm your Fraccion too," Tesla said as he picked himself up again, adjusting his shirt and gloves, "wasn't it molestation that time you made me—"

"Shut up, Tesla, I told you never to talk about that!"

"That Maevwen sure is suspicious," Szayel said, "like she's hiding a secret, don't you think? Isn't it weird how she disappears from here all the time? What Fraccion does that?"

"Nnoitra, Szayel," Ulquiorra Shiffer came past, his large green eyes sad, "and company, hello."

"Uh, hey," Nnoitra said, his feet already hurting, cursing at them in his head, "what's up, Batman?"

"I overheard your conversation about your Fraccion," Ulquiorra said, "you said she ran off to the human world?"

"Yeah," Nnoitra nodded slowly, "but it's no problem, I let her."

"Was it as a duty to you?"

"...No?"

"Then it is not allowed according to Aizen-sama," the pale faced Espada looked to Szayel, "Aizen has spoken about those who choose to rebel. He does not take it kindly, and such behaviour should be reported; if not by their master, but by another Espada."

"I was just thinking that," Szayel said, "maybe we should report this Ivonne, hm? Is there anything suspicious about her you want to say?"

"Suspicious?" Nnoitra replied, "the only suspicious thing about Ivonne is that she's willing to hang out with Tesla."

"Yes, well," Ulquiorra looked down on Szayel, "let us all remember our assigned job. Goodbye." He skulked off into the shadows, his posture perfect, and his hands in the pockets of his hakama.

"God, what an emo." Nnoitra said, trying to pull down his ill fitting top.

"Yes..." Szayel watched Ulquiorra's departing figure, his eyebrows knotted together. _Let us all remember our assigned duty. _Was that a message from Aizen? The scientist looked disdainfully towards Nnoitra's, who was giving Tesla a noogie. _I have to do my job, but I don't want tohurt him. Maybe I can wait, and he'll just tell me once we get closer. I won't have to fake anything_, he pushed up glasses, smiling warmly at Nnoitra, who smiled back and sent his heart fluttering, _no, already I'm not faking anything. This is not good; putting my own emotions at stake like this. I can still save us both from heartbreak, and get the framing evidence of Ivonne out of him. It will just take a little effort, _he smiled, _but what is a good plan without a little effort? _

"Szayel?"

A familiar voice pierced the quiet night-time air of Szayel's Domain. The scientist had been sleeping; his pink hair gathered up in hair net, pink satin pyjamas covering his body he was curled up in his bed and passed out like an exhausted baby. But a low, worried voice cut through the night and roused him. It was Nnoitra, somehow having bypassed all the Fraccion to make it all the way to Szayel's bedroom.

"What are you doing here?" He hissed, grabbing his glasses off the night stand. Nnoitra was standing in the doorway, his hair up in a pony tail, and his eye-patch missing, he was wearing nothing but pyjama bottoms. He looked tired, as one arm hung down limp, the other scratching the side of his stomach.

"I couldn't sleep," Nnoitra said, his voice oddly slurred, "'cause stupid Verena decided she wanted to stay up all night and kick me in the side...and the ribs...and everywhere up. So Starrk gave me some sleeping pills and I felt better but I still can't sleep, because I was having these strange nightmares about..." he looked sadly to Szayel, "but I was wondering if I could come sleep with you...?"

"Hm," Szayel looked him over sceptically, muttering under his breath, "why do you only like me when you're intoxicated?"

"Your hair looks funny like that," Nnoitra laughed drowsily, "and, yo, I've never been in your room before, you know? It's so much girlier than mine, why didn't you seduce me here, it would have made sense."

"You don't even know what you're saying," Szayel said, scooting over in his bed and moving over the pink flowery sheets, "come on, you better sleep."

"Yo, thanks." Nnoitra mumbled, slipping under the covers next to Szayel. One moment later, he was snoring peacefully next to the scientist, who was now wide awake. _He's sleeping next to me_, Szayel was thinking frantically while Nnoitra slept, _albeit, he's facing away from me—_ With a loud yawn, Nnoitra rolled over on his back, sleep-grabbing Szayel so that they were hugging. _I'm spooning with the spoon!_ Szayel mind cried, his face bright red in the darkness, _what do I do? This is madness! _He shifted uncomfortably, but Nnoitra's giant arms were wrapped around him tight,_ when Nnoitra wakes up and sees this he'll kill me. Or at least promise to kill me later. Ah, well, _he took of his glasses once more and settled in, _might as well enjoy this while I can. _


	7. In Which the Espada Make a Nursery

Chapter 7: In Which the Espada Build a Nursery and Ivonne Returns

(28 weeks, third trimester)

_The forest around her creaked and swayed in the winter breeze, catching up her hair and throwing it across her face. She opened her large golden eyes, smiling mischievously through the veil of her thick black hair. It had been a while since she had released. It felt good; almost too good._ Maybe I should go back,_ she thought to herself, _maybe they miss me and feel guilty. I've trained here for awhile, if I go back now, they will feel guilty and help me_, she smiled sadly, _I know I'm doing the right thing. _She sheathed her sword for the first time in a long time, feeling the cool breeze against her face. The human world was so passionate, with its heart. Everything had a heart; from the trees swayed in time with the wind to the humans that walked so arrogantly. _There is no heart where I come from, _she thought sadly, _that is what I am out to change.

"Hm, this won't do at all," Szayel pouted, tightly gripping the clipboard in his gloved hands, threatening to break it, "no, no, go to the left. The _left, _Yammi you stupid oaf! Augh!"

"Hell, Szayel," Nnoitra snapped from his chair, "you're so crabby about something so stupid."

"I don't want Versus to end up stupid because Yammi put her crib to close to the window," Szayel cried, "you know how weird the light in Hueco Mundo is! Who knows what it might do to an infant!"

"Wha...?" Yammi asked slowly, dropping the white crib he was helping move to scratch his head.

"Look, now you confused him," Nnoitra said, "damn it, Szayel!"

"At least I'm trying," Szayel said, "you're just sitting there. You had no input whatsoever on what you wanted the nursery to look like when Aizen-sama asked!"

"Of course not," Nnoitra stuck his tongue out, flashing the _5 _tattoo, "I'm carrying the damn thing, least you can do is make the nursery."

"Hm," Szayel scowled, "according to that book it's supposed to be a _bonding experience_," Szayel glared at Nnoitra, the Yammi, "funny, all I want to do is strangle you both."

"Oh shit!" Nnoitra suddenly cried, pointing to the corner, "Starrk fell asleep in the paint!" They all turned to see Starrk collapsed against the half-painted wall, paintbrush still poised in his hand, his face pressed up against the wet wall, snoring happily. Lilynette was fast asleep at his feet, the yellow paint smeared across her torso where it dripped down from Starrk's brush. Szayel roared in frustration.

"Okay, who gave the narc a job that can dry on him?"

"I think it was Tesla." Nnoitra smirked to his Fraccion, who jumped at the mention of his name.

"Ah!" He cried, "I didn't do anything! I'm just arranging all the baby clothes Aaroniero-sama and Harribel-sama gave us!" He plunged his hand into the dresser he sat in front of, and held up little baby jumper with the words _Little Spoon_ across the front.

"Why the fuck did Aaroniero have baby clothes?" Nnoitra asked, his eyebrows scrunching together against his eye patch.

"Don't ask me," Tesla cried, "he asked me to come by his domain today...I brought a flashlight just in case. I'm pretty sure Harribel-sama knit hers, though. So cute!"

"She has been quite nice to me lately," Nnoitra said, stroking his chin, "maybe I can get a favour from her after this is done."

Across the room, Szayel dropped his clipboard, his cheeks flaming, "ah, sorry," he laughed sheepishly, his face red, "but you're not still expecting to go after Tia?"

"Hell yeah," Nnoitra laughed, folding his arms behind his head, "why wouldn't I?"

"Oh, uh," Szayel's face went pale, "I suppose...I expected you to be with Verena more often."

"Didn't you say Aizen-sama would raise her?"

"But surly we can still go visit her." Szayel put his hands on his hips, turning and facing Yammi to order him around once more, "I suppose you can do whatever you wish, Nnoitra. Alright, Yammi, let's discuss what _right _and _left _are, shall we?''

Nnoitra studied him from behind with sceptical eyes, "Well, I'd help but I don't think I can really lift anything."

"Oh, yes, how I miss your brute strength," Szayel said dully, lifting up the crib himself while Yammi stood there scratching his head, "Because at least you have half a brain while Yammi has none."

"Whu...?" Yammi tilted his head in confusion, "No, I have a brain...right?"

"Don't try to think about it," Szayel said putting down the crib next to the dresser across from the window. The walls were light yellow, or at least the ones that had been painted before Starrk had fallen asleep. There was a white baby crib and matching dresser Tesla and Ivonne had picked out months ago. There was also a white rocking chair, which Nnoitra inhabited next to the window, and a light pink book shelf Szayel had picked out and stocked himself, "but, I'd like to think this nursery is coming along quite well, don't you?"

"Yeah, sure," Nnoitra said, "too much pink, though, not enough purple."

"I told you to pick out colours!" Szayel fumed, the vein above his temple popping, "and you said '_no, I just want to sleep!'_ And now you complain!"

"I did want to sleep, though," Nnoitra said quietly, "your bed is so much nicer than mine..."

"You were sleeping in Szayel's bed?" Yammi then said, his face lighting up as he laughed a laugh that shook the walls, "what the fuck? You're sounding so gay!"

"Hey, don't say that," Szayel said, "that's offensive."

"And I slept in his bed because he's got a memory foam mattress," Nnoitra said, not mentioning that he enjoyed it, "have you ever tried sleeping while being beat up from the inside?"

"Awh," Szayel breezed over to Nnoitra's side, placing his gloved hand on his stomach, "see, she already knows how to beat up men."

"Yep," Nnoitra said, smiling proudly as he leaned back in the rocking chair with his eyes closed, "and she's gonna be kickass at fighting. I'm going to teach her from when she's young."

"Sure you are," Szayel said, in a tone that said he wasn't, "you mean in her free time."

"Huh?"

"Well, she'll _obviously _be taught by me when Aizen is too busy. I've already got her first lessons," he strode over to the bookcase, pulling out a book titled _Baby's First Book of Advanced Functions_, "I'm sure by the times she's four or five she'll be at university level in maths and sciences."

"And isn't Ulquiorra-sama teaching her English?" Tesla asked, having been busy playing with the baby booties on his fingers, "I can see him as being quite a dull teacher..."

"Hell, as long as it's not Grimmjow," Nnoitra murmured, "she's have a potty mouth."

"You have a potty mouth!"

"Fuck, yeah! But I'm not gonna swear around _her_," Nnoitra stuck his tongue out again, "I mean, not a lot...or I'll try not to."

"Yes, of course," Szayel said, "now can you help? You've still got arms, and you're awake, which is a step in improvement above Starrk. So you can paint."

"Yeah, sure, help me up," Nnoitra said, taking Szayel's hand and getting to his feet, "I'm not dead, after all." He walked over to the half-painted wall, kicking Starrk out of the way, and grabbing his brush to start painting.

"Szayel!" Nnoitra moaned, rolling over in the pink-and-purple bed to face the man sleeping next to him.

"What?" Szayel replied with a mix of anger and sleepiness.

"I think I'm dying," Nnoitra said, "I can't breathe and my chest hurts..."

"Those are symptoms of pregnancy," Szayel said dully, "you're not dying."

"I feel like I am," he whined, "I hate you."

"I'm glad we feel the same way," Szayel said, "I'm the one that let you share my bed."

"Yeah, whatever," Nnoitra curled up in the pink flowery covers, closing his eyes, "it's almost over."

"That's true," Szayel said, almost sadly. He breathed in deeply, "Nnoitra, have you heard from Ivonne?"

"No," he said, his eyes still closed, "why?"

"She's pretty mischievous, don't you think?" Szayel hoped he sounded casual enough, "she seems pretty secretive if you ask me."

"She is," Nnoitra said, "but don't hold that against her just because she stole stuff from you once."

"No, it's not that," Szayel said, "I feel like I've seen those eyes before...a really long time ago." Nnoitra next to him went stiff, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said, "Ivonne is a Fraccion, nothing more. Stop acting like you think she isn't."

"She acts like she isn't, that's all," Szayel said, going to push up the glasses that weren't there, "running through the halls by herself, going into the human world without your permission...you'd think she was an Espada, with the way she acts!"

"Whatever," Nnoitra said, "go back to sleep and leave me with my pain."

"You're so moody." Szayel said, but was replied with shallow snoring, "yeah right, you couldn't sleep." _I'm getting to him, _he thought, _soon he'll tell me the truth, I know it._

"Ha, finally," Tesla said to himself, jumping up and down on the bed, "I have a nice room all to myself and Nnoitra-sama won't even kill me for it!" Ever since Nnoitra started sleeping with Szayel, Tesla had been left alone in his room at night. Normally, Tesla would go off to his own, adjoined room at night, but Nnoitra's room was much nicer, with its mirror, bed, and, "_porn magazines!_" Tesla excited jumped down off the bed and fell to his knees, shoving his gloved hand under the bed to pull out a pile of _Playboy_s, "finally!" He jumped back onto the bed and ripped open the first copy, excitedly flipping to the first page. This was a golden moment; Nnoitra never let him get his hands on one of these—

"Tesla?"

The Fraccion jumped nearly ten feet in the air, sending the stack of magazines across the room. It landed at the feet of a tall, pale girl with long black hair and bright golden eyes.

"I-Ivonne-san...er, sama?" Tesla cried, his face bright red, "you're back!"

"Yes," She said, picking up the magazine, "_playboy_? Really? I thought you were better than that!"

"I-I am!" Tesla cried, scurrying over to the girl, taking the magazine from her, "you're back! And you're alive and well, I see!"

"Yeah, I'm good," Ivonne smiled warmly, "and yes, I'm back. I'm sorry for running off like that," she leaned forward and hugged him, "I wish I could have taken you with me! Uh, Tesla?" the Fraccion had gone limp in her arms, nearly passed out from excitement, "are you alright?"

"Y-yes," Tesla stammered, his face red, "are you looking for Nnoitra-sama?"

"Yeah, I am," Ivonne said, her eyes searching, "where is he? In the kitchen again?"

"He's in Szayel's room," Tesla said, as the girl turned and started down the hallway, "why? Is this about the...ex-Espada thing?"

"Yes," Ivonne said, beckoning him to come with her, "I'm pretty sure Szayel is trying to get information about him from Nnoitra. Why are they together at this hour?"

"They started sleeping together a bit over a month ago," Tesla said, rephrasing when Ivonne's face went sour, "I mean, sleeping in the same bed, rather. Nnoitra likes Szayel's bed because it's a memory-foam or something like that."

"Shit, if they're that close..." Ivonne rounded the corner, disappearing from Tesla's view for a moment as they hurried down the hall, "this is not good, Tesla-kun, not good at all. I could die because of this!"

"I wouldn't let you die," Tesla said, "I'd make sure you were safe."

"That's very sweet, Tesla," Ivonne said, "but I don't think you could protect _me. _We need to tell Nnoitra I'm back, though, and then maybe we can sway him over to my side once and for all."

"Ivonne-sama," Tesla started, despite Ivonne's rolled eyes at the honorific, "what exactly do you plan to do?"

The ex-Espada halted, causing Tesla to crash into her. She sighed, her shoulders lowered, "I know Aizen is wrong. Don't look shocked, I'm not calling him sama, so stop making that face! I want to free you all from these bonds he has over you," her voice went hushed as she whispered close to Tesla, "I know we can defeat him using Nnoitra and Szayel's baby. If I get Nnoitra on my side, when the child is old enough to go against Aizen, our force may be great enough to defeat him, or at least make him loosen his grip on the Arrancar. I just need to get Nnoitra on my side, and it's all possible."

"I..." Tesla bit his bottom lip, his big eyes studying the girl in the darkness, "I'll help you, Ivonne-sama, because I'm loyal to you. I was really worried about you when you were gone...but I want you to know that I really..."his knees started shaking as his face went red. Ivonne smiled and hugged him tight, though he didn't pass out this time.

"Yeah, I like you too, Tesla," She smiled, "now let's go find Nnoitra."

"She's back." Aizen Sosuke said darkly, closing the book he had been reading to glance up at Ichimaru Gin.

"Who's back?" Gin asked behind his foolish smile, "that Maevwen chick?"

"I can sense her." Aizen said, "she's hiding somewhere in the palace."

"So are we gonna go get her?" Gin asked, smiling wider, "_Shinso_ hasn't played for a while. He wants to come out and play."

"No," Aizen said, "this is all a game. Make a wrong move and we'll lose. She is like a rat hiding from the cat, very sneaky indeed, but we will catch her in due time."

"What does she even want?" Gin asked, an eyebrow raised, "I'm tellin' you, Tousen and I can go take care of her in an instant."

"No, Gin," Aizen said, twirling the hilt of his sword between his fingers, smiling slyly, "this is all part of my plan."


	8. The Truth Comes Out

Chapter 8: The Truth Comes Out, and it's All Very Dramatic

(32 weeks, third trimester)

"_Wake up, wake up you sleepy head! Get up! Get up the sun is..._red?"

"Szayel," Nnoitra groaned, throwing a pillow, or what he assumed was a pillow, at the source of the horrible singing, "shut the fuck up what are you doing?"

"Aha!" The voice cheered, "wake up, my darling, today we _celebrate_!"

"What?" Nnoitra's voice was like the grave as he sat up in bed, opening his eyes to an already-dressed and already-hyper Szayel, smiling a little too cheerfully at the tall Espada, "why, what's today?"

"You're first day of your eight month," Szayel sang, "only eight weeks to go, at the most now!"

"That _is _something to celebrate," Nnoitra said without much enthusiasm, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Yes," Szayel smiled, "and I got you a present!"

"It's not a ripped out heart or anything, is it?" Nnoitra groaned, "Because I really do think I'd barf if I saw that."

"Oh, no," Szayel laughed, "I save that for the ones I _truly _admire. I got a brand new ultrasound machine from the human world last night!"

"What's wrong with the one we got?"

"My, my, so ungrateful," Szayel said, sitting in front of the purple vanity as Nnoitra looked through his pile of clothes for something that still fit, "you should know that this is not just a 2D ultrasound like we had before, this is a 3D image!" he drummed his fingers together, "oh, I'm giddy with excitement!"

"I just can't wait to get it over with," Nnoitra said tiredly, choosing an '_I heart New York_' shirt he had acquired on that trip months ago, "none of my fucking clothes fit! You know, I'm going to burn it all after she's actually born!"

"Oh, I wouldn't do that!" Szayel said, "what if you need them again," Nnoitra gave him a glare that would have melted through rock, "aha, I was just kidding."

"Yeah," Nnoitra grumbled, "I'm sure. Let's go. Oh! Let's stop by the kitchen on the way!"

"The kitchen isn't _on_ the way."

"I said, _let's stop by the kitchen,_" Nnoitra growled, "I'm not getting out of bed if I don't get any ice cream or anything. Hey _don't laugh it's not fucking funny!_''

"Oh, but it is," Szayel smiled, "you're oh so moody, ever since Maevwen left."

"She's back," Nnoitra said, "she's been back for a month!"

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't ask!" Nnoitra stuck his long tongue out, "why the fuck would I tell you?"

"You're burning our child's ears with your swearing." Szayel said. _She back?_ He thought as Nnoitra went on to tell him something dull, _why didn't he tell me? Does he not tell me everything? Like now...he's telling me about how his fingernails are too long. Why the hell would I want to know this? This man has no reasoning!_

"—and now I can't even see my feet anymore let alone clip them, so I had to get Tesla to do it for me," Nnoitra sighed, "so...yeah."

"When did you find out?"

"...that my toenails were too long...?"

"No! That Ivonne came back," Szayel rolled his amber eyes behind the white frames of his glasses, coming up to the door to the laboratory, and pushing it open, "this is big news. Aizen-sama was informed that she had left, and withheld his inspection of her, remember? If she came back, and he didn't know about it, it could cause an issue."

"I don't know why he wants with her," Nnoitra grumbled, "she's not hurting anyone."

"Don't you trust me enough to tell me the truth?" Szayel cried, before his face went red and he covered his mouth in shock, "oops, did I say that out loud?"

"What do you mean I don't trust you?" Nnoitra said, "I trust you more than anything. The fact that I haven't cut your dick off yet should show you that I trust you."

"Somehow I find that sweet."

"Yeah," Nnoitra rubbed the back of his head, watching Fraccion across the lab as they made their ways to the familiar hospital bed, "I do trust you a lot, Szayel. Maybe even more than just trust, if you believe it."

Szayel dropped the tube of gel he was holding, muttering, "oops, _shit_..."he sighed, looking to Nnoitra who stared at him blankly, "ah, uh, what do you mean?"

"Yo," Nnoitra said quietly, his own face going slightly red, "do we have to talk about this here? Your Fraccion can hear me."

"They barely have brains," Szayel said, rolling his eyes and fixing his glasses, "that's why I eat them. Now lie down...I want to get over with so we can _talk_." He hummed pleasantly, smiling. Nnoitra took off his shirt and laid down.

"You make everything sound a million times creepier," Nnoitra said, "god, I wish I could do that. If I said something like that in battle, they'd just run away scared and I wouldn't even have to fight them."

"But you would fight them."

"Fuck, yeah, but it'd be funnier cause they'd be horrified and all running away and shit."

"...Yes," Szayel flicked on the new ultrasound machine, which looked quite similar to the last one, although the screen was much larger, "I'm quite positive you'll enjoy this, since you thought our baby was cute when she was a genderless gray blob," he squirted a blob of the jelly onto Nnoitra's abdomen, muttering something about 'running out of this damn stuff', and started to search around for the baby, "shouldn't be too hard given she's massive and turning your body into convex dome."

"Don't laugh at me," Nnoitra whined, "I know I look stupid—oh! There she is!" He pointed a long, skinny finger at the screen; the 3D image of a baby with its eyes closed peacefully appeared. It resembled something similar to game graphics; very pixilated but had depth of field nonetheless. The baby looked more like a baby than the last time; her cheeks were rounder, her nose was more button-like, and she was generally less blob-like. She had her tiny hand clenched up near her face. There was something on her wrists, though...

"What is that?" Szayel wondered aloud, just as the laboratory doors swung open with a loud crash, causing the other two to jump. Aizen entered the room with his two advisors at his heels, a roguish smile played across his face, "A-Aizen-sama?"

"Nnoitra, Szayel," Aizen nodded, coming to a halt next to the hospital bed, "Please forgive my intrusion."

"Not a problem." Szayel said, while Nnoitra still looked on stony-faced.

"I came to observe the appointment," Aizen said, "since it has been _so long_ since I have last spoken to you about this subject. I wanted to make sure everything is progressing as planned."

"Yes, of course!" Szayel nodded like a cat watching a fly, "very well indeed," he brought the image of the baby back up on the screen, "there she is, see? We were just discussing what these things around her wrists might be." He pointed to the baby's wrists, where what looked like three or four large deformations seemed to appear on each wrist. They formed bands around each wrist almost like—

"She's deformed?" Nnoitra cried, "god damn it, I knew my fucking DNA would screw her up somehow."

"I think it's her hollow mask!" Szayel said, holding up a gloved hand to shush Nnoitra, "stop moving, she's bouncing around now."

"Yeah, I know, I can feel it." Nnoitra said. Aizen laughed quietly.

"You can see her hollow hole," he said, nodding his chin at the screen, where the little baby had an obvious depression in her lower chest, "very good."

"Yes, I suppose she would have that," Szayel nodded, "funny, it's not in the same spot as mine."

"How much longer until the operation?" Aizen asked, and Gin behind him snickered.

"Operation?" Nnoitra asked, the pitch of his voice rising, "uh, what?"

"Well, obviously you don't have a way to deliver the baby," Szayel said, rolling his eyes as he turned off the ultrasound machine, "when I altered your body I did not add such a thing because I was certain you'd notice."

"I dunno," Nnoitra shrugged, "I haven't seen...down there in a while, to be honest."

"Yes, well, you do have a birth canal, so you _will _go into labour."

"Wait, that's the painful bit, right?"

"But then we must perform a caesarean-section operation to get the baby out," Szayel winked, "don't worry, I've read _all _about it."

"What?" Nnoitra cried, very carefully and slowly getting off the table, "no! I read that book, I know what a caesarean is! _You're fucking cutting my middle open!_"

"If you put it so blatantly," Szayel said, "yes. But it will be nothing compared to the pain of labour, so in the end you are winning!"

"Ah!"

"Oh, for god's sake, it's nothing more than your usual battle wound," Szayel rolled his eyes, "you're such a baby."

"Yeah, but unless I get to fight you back it's not worth it." He crossed his arms and glared at Szayel.

"Aw, c'mon, Nnoitra," Gin said with a smile, "take it like a man. Oh, wait, I forgot."

"Shut up," Nnoitra said, "I'd like to see you have a twenty pound weight strapped to your stomach!"

"Actually, she only weighs about four and a half pounds." Szayel corrected.

"Ha!" Gin cried.

"You're probably next, you know," Nnoitra said, "'cause didn't Aizen-sama say the most _powerful_ of us will breed?"

"Ah, yeah right!" Gin laughed nervously, but his smile didn't fade, "uh, right, Aizen-sama?"

"You amuse me," Aizen smiled cunningly, then sighed, "Nnoitra, I still haven't seen this new Fraccion of yours. Albeit, she's not quite as new as she had been before, but she is still new to me."

"You never asked to see her," Nnoitra said, "you told me to bring her when you asked."

"That is true," Aizen nodded, "but I assume she is still with you? She seems sneaky; I have heard of her but I have never seen her, almost as if she could leave the palace without my knowledge." Nnoitra didn't say anything as he stared helplessly at his shirt on the ground. He didn't want to admit that he really couldn't bend over too easily.

"She's still with me," Nnoitra said, sighing, "she has a strange ability to conceal her reiatsu, it's strange and amazing for a Fraccion." He forced a half-smile as Aizen stared him down. Szayel was oblivious to the whole thing, having picked up Nnoitra's shirt, holding up towards his friend with one hand as he swatted away a Fraccion trying to clean up.

"Aizen-sama," Gin said, "I mean, this is so fun and all, but we should go."

"You know how the tea always gets cold when we're late..." Tousen nodded.

"Good point, Kaname," Aizen nodded, his rogue curl bouncing off the side of his nose, "I shall see you soon, Nnoitra, Szayel."

"Ah yes," Szayel smiled falsely, "farewell, Aizen-sama." The leader and his two assistants left, all striding gracefully across the floor like swans through still water. Or, at least, Aizen and Tousen did, for Gin turned around and stuck his tongue out at Nnoitra just before they left the laboratory.

"Does your stomach hurt?" Szayel then asked, throwing the shirt at Nnoitra who had spaced out watching Aizen leave.

"Uh, no?"

"It should," Szayel said, looking at a chart on a clipboard a passing Fraccion handed him, "you've got stretch marks because it's grown so fast, see," he ran his finger down the squiggly red lines all over Nnoitra's stomach, "it looks painful."

"Sick!" Nnoitra cried, "they look like kick-ass battle scars!"

"...what?"

"Hell, yeah," Nnoitra ran his hands up and down it with the usual cynical smile on his face, "like I was attacked with lightening or something." Szayel smiled.

"Yes, I suppose." He said quietly, putting his own hands on top of Nnoitra's, "you said you wanted to tell me something?"

"I did?" Nnoitra asked, his face blank. Szayel looked at him dully.

"Way to ruin the romantic moment." he grunted. Nnoitra smiled, which sent Szayel's heart fluttering like a butterfly.

"Heh heh...sorry..." Nnoitra said, "I remember what I meant to say, now."

"Will you just tell me?" Szayel said, smiling despite the fact that his eyebrow was twitching.

"Ah..." Nnoitra rubbed the back of his head, "I know I said I hated you...and I pretty much did at the beginning. It's not like I even talked to you ever because I usually hang out with Gin and Grimmjow," he sighed, looking away to the floor, "but you know, that's changed."

"I'm really sorry about that." Szayel said, noticing how close together they were standing. He also noticed how much his neck hurt from staring upwards, and that he had left the Bunsen burner on, but he chose not to acknowledge that for the sake of the romantic atmosphere.

"So my opinion of you has changed, too..." his face was white, which worried Szayel. _This romantic climax is not going quite as planned_, the scientist thought to himself, _oh, hell, the poor oaf is doing the best he can,_ "sorry," Nnoitra said, "It's really hard for me to admit that I like someone more than myself."

"It's alright," Szayel said, wrapping his arms around the taller man, or at least doing the best he could, "I, being the intellectual I am, know what you're trying to say. I still like you all the same."

"Fold," Tesla sighed, throwing his cards down onto the pile once more, "really, Ivonne, why do you make me play strip poker with you? I suck," he got up and started unfastening the belt to his hakama, "I always end up naked."

"This is exactly why I play strip poker with you," Ivonne smiled, gazing dreamily at Tesla, fully clothed, "now hurry up I want to finish the game before Nnoitra gets back."

"Yeah, yeah, they're coming off," Tesla said, dropping his pants, "you know, hakamas are so bothersome, I almost enjoy being naked—"

"Oh god, Tesla, what the fuck?" Nnoitra cried from the doorway, having just entered the room to see his Fraccion's bare backside. Tesla yelped, sounding much like a injured, or horribly embarrassed, dog, scrambling to hike his pants back up.

"What's going on?" Szayel said, peering into the room through the crook of Nnoitra's arm.

"Nothing you should be exposed to!" Nnoitra cried, blocking the pink haired man's view, "Tesla is flashing us all, as usual."

"As usual?" Ivonne cried, "Where was I for all this flashing?"

"Ivonne-sama!" Tesla cried, his face red. Szayel pushed past Nnoitra and pointed an accusing finger at a half-naked Tesla.

"You just called her Ivonne-_sama._" He said. Tesla stared at him blankly.

"Uh, yes...?"

"Why not Ivonne-san? Hm?" Szayel smiled devilishly, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose in the process, "she's just a Fraccion like you, and a woman at that. Why not Ivonne-san, Tesla?"

"I..." Tesla's brown eyes got very large as he glanced at a cross-armed Nnoitra, "uh..."

"Tesla, you idiot!" Nnoitra cried, looking around for something to chuck, but aside from Szayel, there wasn't much, "you're such a fucking idiot!"

"I knew it!" Szayel cried, "I knew Ivonne wasn't a Fraccion!" he spun around and poked Nnoitra accusingly in the chest, "you lied to me!"

"I...just didn't tell you the _exact_ truth." Nnoitra said, not adding that the prod to the chest had actually hurt.

"No, you lied," Szayel said, frowning, "_bitch_, no one swears to me."

"I told them to lie, Szayel-sama!" Ivonne said, rising to her feet, her eyes pleading, "if it makes you feel better, it was I who made them lie for me."

"No," Szayel said, "I asked Nnoitra if he trusted me. He said yes, and yet he never told me the truth," he looked to Nnoitra darkly, "you said you trusted me more than anyone, but you obviously trusted this woman more than I for you kept her secret close."

"That was..." Nnoitra choked, "that was different, I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone, especially you! I would have told you, but I promised before..." he bit his bottom lip, "before I even liked you at all."

"Szayel-sama," Ivonne said slowly, coming up to the Espada, "what is it that you want from me? Don't blame Nnoitra for something I did."

"I want to know..." he said, "I want to know, what are you, or who are you, really?"

"My name is Maevwen Ivonne," Ivonne said slowly, "I'm the former _septimo_ Espada. I escaped Aizen's horrible clutches and into the human world for many years. Now I am here to overrule Aizen and his wretched ways."

"Wretched?" Szayel asked, "you say wretched? Aizen-sama does no wrong to us. He gives us what we want, and freedom, and in return, we lend him out power. How is that wretchedness?"

"He uses you," Ivonne spat, "he will use your baby as a weapon!"

"But Ivonne-sama," Tesla said quietly, "so were you. Did you not say you were planning on using Verena later on to defeat Aizen-sama?"

"Ivonne?" Nnoitra asked. Szayel crossed his arms and shook his head.

"You are not welcome here," he said, "I was meant to get this information out of Nnoitra, but instead Tesla has given it right to me. My mission is complete."

"Wait a sec," Nnoitra looked blankly to Szayel, "this was all a mission from Aizen-sama? Are you kidding me?"

"...It sounds worse aloud than it did in my head," Szayel said with chagrin, "don't get so upset, Nnoitra."

"No, I should get upset," he said angrily, "you were lying the whole time to me to get me to trust you! And you were accusing me of lying!"

"Nnoitra—really, it wasn't that bad," Szayel frowned, "it sounds so...not genuine. It was all real, I swear. It's true, what I felt," he frowned at the floor, "for a while now I've felt something for you, and even though I had this assignment from Aizen, I was really hoping you'd fall for me and we could still be friends after this. Because I know for sure I fell for you. I was being cocky and hoping I could accomplish both without failing." _I said cock, maybe that will lighten his mood..._Szayel thought, but his plan failed when Nnoitra pushed past him, "where are you going?"

"I'm sitting down," Nnoitra said, falling back on the bed, "my feet hurt. Tesla, come and give me a foot massage."

"Aw, man," Tesla groaned quietly, "but there's sexual tension! It'd ruin this whole build up..."

"You said you fell for me?" Nnoitra said, his face to the ceiling, before rolling over onto his side, "good. 'Cause I fell for you but I didn't tell you either. So I guess we're both liars."

"Do...do you forgive me?" Szayel asked, for once nearly speechless.

"Well, do you forgive me?" Nnoitra asked, staring at the wall, his own face just as emotionless.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Szayel said, sitting next to him on the bed, "and I'd forgive you anyways. So please, _please _forgive me," he smiled softly, "my darling." Nnoitra looked to him and smiled back, until—

"Ah! Who's touching my feet!"

"Nnoitra-sama, it's me!" Tesla cried from the end of the bed, "stop kicking me!"

"What the fuck are you doing, ruining the beautiful moment?"

"You told me to give you a foot massage!" Tesla looked like he was going to cry, "Please forgive me!"

"Yeah, yeah, might as well add you to the list," Nnoitra said dully, pulling Szayel down beside him, and wrapping one very long arm around him, "this is nice..." It wasn't too long until snoring could be heard escaping from Nnoitra's mouth. Szayel was pinned under his arm, held close, but he didn't mind. _We look cute, _he decided, his own lids dropping in the peacefulness, _like I'm his teddy bear..._

"They fell asleep!" Tesla cried, despite being slapped in the head by Ivonne.

"Don't ruin it! It's so cute!" She cried, smiling, before her face fell, "but now Szayel knows about me. He's going to tell Aizen, and it'll be all over." She closed her eyes sadly and fell to the floor, looking, for once, like a defenceless little girl. Tesla panicked, not sure what to say.

"But why do you want to bring down Aizen-sama? He did nothing to you! And don't give me the same 'he's using you' stuff like usual." He added when Ivonne opened her mouth and started to speak. She sighed.

"I'd like to think that we're prisoners," she said sadly, rubbing her arms as if she were cold, "and that Aizen is the prison guard. When I was here, everyone was so sad, so emotionless," she looked up to Tesla, "remember when we went to the human world, and we saw all those humans together in couples. They looked so happy. So unlike here. I thought, if Aizen was gone, you would be free, and more...more human."

"Ivonne-sama," Tesla said, "we're not human. Why would we act like them? It's Aizen who keeps the order here; if it weren't for him, Hueco Mundo would be chaos. And none of us would be Arrancar, either," He looked away, playing with his sword, "I think we're more human now than ever. Like, look at Nnoitra-sama and Szayel-sama," he nodded his head towards the two still asleep on the bed, "they're practically like those humans, you know. It's almost as if they can show love. If you ask me, the way it is now, it's not so bad."

"Aizen will still kill me," Ivonne moaned, holding her head in her hands, "this is not good."

"I don't think Szayel-sama will tell Aizen-sama if Nnoitra-sama asks him not to," Tesla said with a smile, "and if not...well, I'll protect you."

"Thank you, Tesla." Ivonne said with a smile, before adding dully, "it's only noon, why exactly are they even sleeping?"

"Uh," Gin started, putting down his teacup as he sat with Tousen and Aizen in the throne room, "Aizen-sama?"

"What is it, Gin?" Aizen asked with a smile. Tousen took a sip of tea, staring in Gin's general direction.

"You're not really gonna knock me up next, are you?" the silver haired man asked sheepishly.

"Don't you think you and Tousen make a lovely couple?" Aizen smiled lightly.


	9. In Which All Hell Breaks Loose

Chapter 9: In Which All Hell Breaks Loose

(36 weeks, third trimester)

"Dude, seriously, you're always in here." Grimmjow Jeagerjaques growled, opening the fridge and pulling out a beer.

"Shut up, I know." Nnoitra said, peeling skins off an onion and eating it, "I was hungry."

"You're always hungry!"

"That's why I'm always in here!" Nnoitra said, staring at the beer bottle longingly as he took a bite of his onion, "you know I'm supposed to eat more. About twice as much as normal."

"We don't generally eat," Grimmjow said, "eating anything would be twice as much."

"Twice as much as the normal human."

"But you're not human!"

"You know what, Grimmjow," Nnoitra cried irritably, "shut the fuck up."

"When are you going to be able to drink again?" Grimmjow decided to change the subject, seeing as Nnoitra had a habit of throwing things, and those onions looked harmful to the crotch area.

"Hopefully by next month," Nnoitra said, "I'm at thirty six weeks and full term is forty weeks."

"Good," Grimmjow smiled, but even his smile looked harsh, "because I miss getting wasted with you. I've had to revert to Ulquiorra, Yammi, and Starrk...Starrk falls asleep before he gets tipsy, Ulquiorra doesn't get drunk, or at least doesn't show it well, and Yammi is so massive no amounts of alcohol can get him intoxicated," He held his head up with his hand, sighing as if he were bored, "they're all so lame."

"Whatever you do," Nnoitra said, "don't get drunk around Szayel."

"Yeah, I know." Grimmjow laughed, "hey, man, can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"What does it actually feel like?" the cat-man whispered, his blue eyes like ice.

"Like shit," Nnoitra said dully, "I seriously don't know why anyone does it. My mother must have been a god."

"Nnoitra," Ulquiorra appeared like a ghost in the doorway of the kitchen, "I have a message from Aizen-sama."

"Oh," Nnoitra sat up, looking blankly to the emo, "what is it?"

"He wants you to meet him with Szayel and your Fraccion in the throne room in two hours," Ulquiorra said in a monotone voice, "he stressed that he wanted _all _your Fraccion."

"Ah," Nnoitra said slowly, his mind racing. _What could this be about? _He thought, _Szayel said he wouldn't tell Aizen about Ivonne, not now, at least. Maybe it's about the baby..._He got to his feet, very slowly indeed, "Uh, I gotta go, Grimmy. See you later."

"Yeah, sure," Grimmjow said, taking a sip of his beer, "have fun with Szayel, I guess."

"Eh heh," Nnoitra laughed, _ah shit, he's heard about that...I'm never gonna live this down_, "you heard about that?"

"What, that you're sleeping in the same bed as Szayel?" Grimmjow asked, looking as annoyed as ever, but his tone was still light, "well, yeah, everyone has. I don't think you're ever gonna get lucky with Harribel again."

"I don't mind," Nnoitra said truthfully, "anyways, I really do have to go."

He left the kitchen and walked down the halls towards Szayel's lab. He went to put his hands in his pockets, but there were none in his sweat pants. _I could have gotten the maternity jeans, hey looked nicer, _he thought as he hobbled down the hall, _but they weren't long enough...and they were for women. Hell, what do I care what I look like; I can't even see my feet._

"Szayel," Nnoitra said, entering the lab he was now so familiar with, "dude, we have a problem."

"Why, hello my darling," Szayel said, peering over his book with his amber eyes, "I was just reading about babies, and how they're made. Traditionally, I mean." He sat in a white chair at the end of a work bench, his legs crossed and a devious smirk on his face.

"You didn't tell Aizen-sama about Ivonne, did you?" Nnoitra asked, "he wants to see us and my Fraccion; Ivonne." He went and sat on the edge on Szayel's white chair, his face just as white.

"No, I didn't tell him anything," Szayel said dully, "you're such a mood killer, by the way," he sighed, "well, Aizen knew about Ivonne anyways. He told me she was an ex-Espada before I even thought of it. He probably wants my head for not telling him anything," he smiled, "or this could have all been a part of his plan."

"Everything's a part of his fucking plan," Nnoitra grumbled, "I don't want Ivonne to get hurt."

"Yes, me neither," Szayel closed the book and placed it on his lap, looking at his fingertips, "I believe she has a valid point even if she is going about it the wrong way."

"I don't want Aizen to take Verena," Nnoitra said blatantly, "even if we'd see her sometimes...it seems unfair to me to have to carry her around for nine months and then I don't even get to raise her. Don't you agree, that'd be the best part?"

"Oh, Nnoitra," Szayel said, a little too passionately, "you _do _have moral values! Ah, Aaroniero owes me ten bucks."

"You made a bet?"

"Why, of course," Szayel laughed, "after I bet it'd be a boy, I needed something to bet on I _knew _was true."

"Yeah, yeah," Nnoitra got to his feet, "it's the hormones, I swear. And you know what I realized?"

"What is it?"

"The other day, we never did go to the kitchen on the way to the ultrasound."

* * *

"This is horrible," Ivonne cried, pacing back and forth across the room, "it's horrible. I should just give up and run away again."

"How would that be useful?" Szayel asked, casually going through Nnoitra's personal affects, "running away won't do anything. You are here to do something, aren't you?"

"Well, yes."

"So why bother coming all the way back to Las Noches, just to run off again," he looked to her, a strange glint in his eyes, "really, Maevwen, I thought you were stronger than that."

"She is," Nnoitra said, glaring at Szayel as the scientist held up a pair of pink undies, "I know it. Szayel, stop looking at my stuff!"

"Why do you even have these?" Szayel asked, holding up the panties high, "pink is not you. Pink belongs to _me_."

"I'd say pink does suit me," Nnoitra said with a smile, "and that's not mine, anyways, it's Tesla's."

"W-what?" Tesla cried, nearly falling off the bed with a gasp, "Nnoitra-sama!"

"It must be nearly two," Szayel said, tiredly throwing the panties back in the dresser, "do you think we should head down there?"

"Yeah," Nnoitra sighed, "there's nothing we can do. I suppose it'll play out as it will. Are you ready, Ivonne?"

"Yes, Nnoitra-sama," Ivonne said, looking scared, which did not suit her well, "as ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

"We should have had a baby shower," Nnoitra grumbled, "you get a bunch of cool shit at baby showers."

"I don't think a baby shower in Las Noches would be very fun, darling," Szayel said, "what would any of the Espada give you? Beer and Sake and maybe some dog treats from Yammi."

"I would have held you a baby shower, but I didn't think you wanted one." Tesla said.

"Oh, you're so thoughtful!" Ivonne cried, as if trying desperately to distract her racing mind. They had nearly arrived at the throne room; the halls were eerily quiet as the group trod together towards the large black doors at the end of the way. Tesla smiled.

"You look nervous, Ivonne-sama," he said, "do you want to hold my hand?"

"You two are so cute it makes me sick," Nnoitra cried, half heartedly kicking Tesla in the shin, "you know, Szayel, I'm not feeling too good."

"You're probably just nervous about this," he said, "but if you want, I can check you out after." One of his pink eyebrows wiggled, making him look perverted, which would be true.

"Ah, Nnoitra, Szayel, and the Fraccion," a smooth, dark voice pierced through the eerie silence of the halls as the doors to the throne room burst open ahead of them. Aizen stood, smiling as always, holding a teapot in one hand, "I was just having tea awaiting your arrival."

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Aizen-sama." Szayel apologized, bowing curtly. Aizen hummed quietly.

"Hm, yes, you have been keeping me waiting on more than just this occasion, Szayel," he said, "but we won't discuss this just yet. Please, come in and have a seat." They followed him into the throne room, where the single throne had been replaced by a wooden desk and five chairs: four on one side, and one on the other. Aizen took the solitary chair, which was larger than the others, and gestured to the others to sit down.

"Where's Gin and Tousen?" Nnoitra asked as he sa next to Ivonne and Tesla, with Szayel on the end.

"Gin accompanied Kaname on an assignment for me," Aizen said, "they will be back shortly. Shall we be started?"

"Yes," Szayel said, "what is this meeting called for?"

"I thought you would know well, Szayel, or have you forgotten your mission?" Aizen said, "Ulquiorra did remind you, did he not?"

"Yes he did, Aizen-sama."

"But you have not found proof that Maevwen Ivonne is not a Fraccion?" Aizen said. Ivonne gasped in the corner; a terrific performance of shock, but Aizen didn't buy it, "Ivonne, do not act like so. If you thought of coming back here undercover, why did you not at least change your name? You thought I would not remember when it's only been a few decades?"

"He did have proof," Ivonne then said darkly, "because I told them."

"So you do admit to it?" Aizen said, "we are on the same page. _Why are you here?_" His voice was so cold it sent shivers down Szayel's back.

"This is between you and I, Aizen," Ivonne said, her eyes golden like fire, "why did you even bring these other three?"

"As far as I'm concerned, they're all traitors to me and all that I stand for," Aizen said, "and it is all because of your return, Ivonne. I brought them here to show them what happens when you betray your master," he rose to his feet, "and you will be my example." His smile twitched in the corner of his mouth. Nnoitra heard a faint noise behind him, and turned to see Gin, with his sword _Shinso, _about to strike.

"Ah, Ivonne!" He cried, but it was too late; even with Ivonne's dodge, Gin had already slashed her torso quite badly. Instantly, everyone was on the floor, and the scene was painted in red, white, and black. Aizen was still standing, as was Gin, and someone else...

"Tesla!" Aizen was saying, "you dare challenge someone such as Gin? You are a mere Fraccion." Tesla was standing in front of Gin, inbetween the silver-haired man and Ivonne, his own sword _Verruga, _poised under Gin's chin. The Fraccion's arm was shaking, but his face was serious, and he didn't back down.

"Don't be a party pooper, Aizen-sama," Gin said with a grin, "this will be fun."

Szayel scrambled to his feet, and helped Nnoitra up next to him. The only one who stayed on the floor was Ivonne; face down on the black tiles, staining them red. He felt Nnoitra shuddering next to him; even if Nnoitra was a battle-hardened warrior, the sight of his friend so brutally slashed still sent shivers down his spine. This was normal, Szayel assumed. It wasn't until a moaning _"ah shit, not now"_, did the scientist know there was something wrong. He turned round to see Nnoitra's eye twitching, biting his tongue, looking down at his pants, which were mysteriously damp around his crotch area.

"Nnoitra, not now," Szayel cried, as the fight between Tesla and Gin started (much less a fight rather than tag with swords), "_shit_, why now?"

"Don't blame me!" Nnoitra cried, oddly out of breath, "it's the stress...the baby..."

"Yes, the baby shall be born today," Szayel said, grabbing Nnoitra's hand, "let's go before we get hurt."

"Before I get hurt?" Nnoitra cried, "you don't think this hurts?"


	10. The End part One

*Author's note: "This was originally supposed to be the last chapter (lots of cleaness in a neat ten chapters) but because of time (I'm going away for a while) I'm just going to upload this as sort of a 'part one'. Lately I've been having troubles writing...so, it might be a while til the last chapter! So enjoy this one while you can!"*

Chapter 10: The End

(36 weeks, in labour)

Nnoitra had been in pain before. When you lived with a bunch of battle-crazy, sword-wielding men, you tended to fight, and get hurt a lot. But this was a whole different type of pain. At least you could dodge a sword, and the thrill of a battle covered the sting of a wound. You couldn't dodge a contraction; they came in waves, which was even worse because you knew it was coming, and you couldn't kill the thing attacking you. It didn't help that Szayel was freaking out almost as much as Nnoitra was. They left Tesla and Ivonne in the room with Gin and Aizen, quickly leaving before the real battle, or non-battle given it was Tesla, begun. Once they were in the hall, it wasn't long until Nnoitra was doubled over in pain once more.

"I thought it was supposed to start out not so bad," he cried, hunched over with his hands on the stomach that seemed to be killing him, "I feel like I'm dying."

"I sincerely hope you're not dying," Szayel said, "that would be a great disappointment. Your water broke, so I don't think this is Braxton Hicks. You must have been so stressed you were thrown into premature labour."

"I can tell," Nnoitra said, his face contorted with pain once more, "will you carry me?"

"What?"

"To your lab?"

"No! Why the hell would I do that?"

"_Because I'm fucking being ripped open from the inside!"_ Nnoitra cried, inadvertly crushing Szayel's hand that he held.

"Uwah!" Szayel nearly jumped ten feet in the air, looking much like a startled cat, "okay, fine, I'll carry you!" He called upon his nary-used super-human strength to lift the much larger, squirming man into his arms; this didn't come without a strain. He didn't even make it to the laboratory, and probably wouldn't have, if Grimmjow didn't appear blocking their path.

"Hey," Grimmjow said, tilting his chin up in a 'sup?' nod, his large arms crossed to show off his biceps and abs, "what are you girlies doing?"

"Move out of the way, Grimmjow!" Nnoitra cried, "we're going to the lab!"

"Like hell you are," Grimmjow said, "you two are traitors to Aizen...sama."

"What?" Nnoitra's one visible eyebrow twitched as he clung to Szayel.

"Tousen told me everything," Grimmjow said slowly, reaching for _Pantera_, which hung around his waist like a trophy, "so the Ivonne you've been talking about so much really isn't your Fraccion after all? And you knew?"

"Grimmjow...this really isn't the time," Nnoitra heaved, biting his bottom lip, "I mean, I know you're fucking battle-crazy and that I haven't been able to fight you lately..." he held onto Szayel's neck so tight through the next contraction, he nearly strangled the pink-haired scientist, "...this is about the beer, isn't it?"

"What? No!" Grimmjow's eyes furrowed together even further, "now make your bishie set you down or I'll pillage you both together!"

"Grimmy, buddy," Nnoitra said slowly, "just let us go, please...I swear, after this I'll buy you some catnip or _something._"

"Fuck off!" Grimmjow screamed, brandishing his sword and running at the two. Nnoitra smiled deviously; the same sort of perverted smile he only got when fighting, or looking at porn. In one quick movement, he grabbed Szayel's sword, _Fornicaras_, right out of its sheath, and jumped out his arms, to land in front of Grimmjow, the sword's tip inches away from the blue-haired Espada's neck. Grimmjow halted, his face white as he stared down the long sword's silver and into Nnoitra's deathly eyes.

"You'd really attack a pregnant...person?" Nnoitra cried, "What the fuck's wrong with you? Dumbass," with a quick slash, Grimmjow fell to the floor, and Nnoitra stomped on him, a little too viciously, "_besides you don't even know the pain I'm in already! I'd love to be in your position now you bastard!_"

"Uh," Szayel stared sheepishly, not wanting to be the next on the rampage list, "c-can I have my sword back?"

"Geeze," Nnoitra said, handing Szayel back his sword and giving Grimmjow one last healthy kick, "they think just 'cause I don't have my sword and haven't fought for nine months, fucking anybody can defeat me. _No one can defeat me!_ God, your sword's like wood, Szayel."

"Why thank you," Szayel said dully, "I assume you can walk on your own?"

"Yeah, for the time being," Nnoitra said, stepping over Grimmjow's body and shuffling down the hall, "they've subsided for a bit."

"I didn't know you could move that fast."

"Neither did I. I'm pretty sure Verena's gonna be born with whiplash," he sighed sadly, "damn, I thought of all people Grimmjow would be on our side. He fucking hates Aizen...sama...? And he would never attack someone he thought was weaker than him," he sniffed in, smelling the scent of alcohol, "even if he was drunk...shit, this is bad."

"No one knows our side," Szayel said, still nursing his mangled hand, "if they knew what Aizen was going to do to us, and Verena, I'm sure some of them would be on our side—"

"I'm on your side," a female voice a head of them said. Tia Harribel stepped out of the shadows, her arms crossed under her chest as usual, her three Fraccion flanking her, each with a clever smile on their faces, except one with long olive hair, who hid her smile behind a long white sleeve. Nnoitra halted, both from shock and because another contraction half-paralyzed him.

"Harribel?" Szayel said, "how strange, you of all people to come to our aid."

"Why wouldn't I?" Tia said, her rare words like ice, "as if Aizen-sama had ever done anything for me. I'm sure he would kill me if he got bored of me. And to rule over a life of a child that has no free-thought from the beginning? This is not right. I will fight for you."

"That's great!" Nnoitra said. Szayel behind him smiled.

"Aren't you missing something?" He asked Nnoitra.

"What?"

"You didn't say thank you," Szayel said, "and this really does deserve a thank you."

"Thank you?" Nnoitra cried, "I don't say thank you to anybo—ack!" Another contraction ripped through his body, and he nearly fell over. Harribel looked on, unimpressed, "okay, fine, _thank you_! Oh god, make it stop..."

"We should keep going," Szayel said, putting his arm around Nnoitra and guiding him away, "thank you very much, Harribel," The woman gave him an icy glare, before running off, her Fraccion in tow, "that's really good," Szayel said to Nnoitra, who really didn't look like he cared too much, "to have Harribel on our side. I'm sure she'll find someone who opposes us..."

"Are we almost there?" Nnoitra moaned, "they won't stop now, and they're getting worse."

"What are?"

"_The contractions, god damn it!_" Nnoitra felt like strangling Szayel, who looked down on him sourly.

"As much as I'd hate to see you in pain, I think you're overreacting," he said, which resulted in a punch to the face, "ow! What the hell?"

"Can we just get to your fucking lab?" Nnoitra cried, "carry me!"

"I'm sorry, I can't carry you, I'm too busy hold my _nose that you broke_!" Szayel cried, holding his poor nose with his gloved hand, guiding Nnoitra away swiftly with the other, "I agree, let's just get to my lab."

* * *

The halls were no longer quiet, but rather coloured red with battle cries and crashing rock; distant battles that were being held all for Nnoitra's sake, although he didn't know it at the time. Tousen and Gin had gone out and told all the Espada the story; that Nnoitra, Tesla, and Szayel were all traitors to Aizen, and that they had been harbouring an ex-Espada and plotting against Aizen. It seemed that the Espada had then chosen sides: Barragan fought for Nnoitra against Aaroniero, his reasoning being that he was the sole king of Las Noches, not Aizen. Starrk fought against Ulquiorra and Yammi, having slept through the initial explanation, and only recalling bits like 'rebel' and 'pink underpants'. Harribel soon was squaring off against Tousen and Zommari, but with her Fraccion, the battle wasn't too epic. Grimmjow was still out of it in a hallway somewhere, footprints all over his back. The Numeros were all in a panic, not sure who to fight for, but rather just fighting each other for fun.

Amid the chaos, Tesla was running. He carried Ivonne over his shoulder like a pillaging Viking, not caring so much for class, but for speed. He hadn't really fought Gin; he had locked swords for all of five minutes, before another set of Espada came crashing through the wall, distracting the ex-shinigami long enough for Tesla to grab Ivonne and run.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit..." he huffed as he ran down the hall, "why the hell am I such a failure."

"Tesla?" Ivonne's faint voice came drifting into Tesla's ear, "what the hell? Ah! Put me down!"

"No!" Tesla cried, "you're hurt!"

"I know! Carrying me on my injured stomach isn't the best."

"Ah! Sorry," He set her down on her feet, though her face was pale and her legs wobbly, "I tried to protect you and I failed..."

"How many times do I have to say," Ivonne cried, holding Tesla's face in her hand, "you don't have to protect me. I can protect myself. God, you men are so thick."

"What if I _want _to protect you?" Tesla cried, "it's not like I can give you anything...hell, I can't even keep you safe."

"You should protect yourself," Ivonne said, "Aizen's coming, isn't he? Or Gin...I'll get him, that's for sure," she looked up to Tesla's pleading eyes, "and you'll just stay off to the side."

"Do you forget I can still fight?" Tesla pulled out his strange sword, "I'm not useless. You're hurt; you can't take on Gin all by yourself. We'll fight him together."

"Tesla..."Ivonne sighed, but she knew she couldn't deter the young man, "god, you men are so thick."

* * *

"It feels like my stomach is trying to squeeze a fucking cow out," Nnoitra moaned, "ah, I'm dying...!"

"That's funny, that's exactly what's happening, except it's your uterus, and the baby, rather than a cow, has nowhere to go," Szayel said, running his gloved hands over his choice of scalpels, "hm, I suppose you'd want some local anaesthetic?"

"Y-yes..." Nnoitra said, through the pain of a contraction, sitting up on Szayel's hospital bed, "Szayel, she's premature, right?"

"Yes, by about four weeks."

"She's not going to die, is she?"

"No," Szayel said, "I assume she's a strong little one, as she is _our _child," he held up a scalpel as a Fraccion tied a surgical mask onto his face, "ready to be cut open?"

"I thought you were giving me anaesthetic!"

"You're such a wiener," Szayel said with a smile. Nnoitra scowled.

"That's my line! Screw you, it'll be painful!"

"Really, I didn't get rid of your balls when I gave you a woman's uterus," Szayel's pink eyebrow raised, "this won't hurt nearly as much as death."

"Uh...?"

"Do you want this baby out or not?" Szayel rolled his amber eyes, "now stop panicking and be still. I promise we'll have sex after this, or punch me in the face again. Either or."

"What?" Nnoitra cried, "heh, well...I'd like to say I'm not in the mood, but I'm not sure if that's possible. Both of those things sound attractive..."

"Excellent," Szayel smiled, "now lay still."

* * *

"Gin," Aizen said with a smile, stroking his chin as he walked, "what is happening to my beautiful palace?"

"It seems everyone has gone crazy," Gin said, wiping the red off his sword with his white robe, "it was bound to happen sometime."

"But in such a manner," Aizen almost looked sad, "this is not the way my darling Espada are supposed to act. Do you know where Kaname went?"

"I left him with the Espada when we were talking earlier," he said, "just like you told me to. Given he's not back..."

"A loss," Aizen said, "and to think my own Espada are turning on me. You would never turn on me, would you Gin?"

"Of course not, Aizen-sama," Gin said, "what do you want me to do?"

"Let's go after Ivonne," Aizen said, "and that Fraccion who ran like a coward. Once they are gone, this foolish fighting will end. Let's end this quickly."

"What about Nnoitra and the baby?" Gin asked, "he went into labour, didn't he? What will we do with the child."

"Ah, yes," Aizen smiled, gliding effortlessly through the demolished hallway, "we will make sure the baby is born safely, then we will take her away to a safe location until this whole battle blows over. You will take the child, Gin, and I will end the fighting instantly. With this child, a shiny new tool for us to use, we no longer need the rash, rebelling Espada."

"Y-you're gonna kill 'em?" even Gin seemed surprised by this. Aizen smiled as if he had heard something funny.

"Only those who oppose me."

"From what I saw..."Gin's face turned as white as his hair, "that's all the higher ranked Espada. Are you sure...Aizen-sama?"

"Do not question me," Aizen said, "if I can't persuade them with my words, then I shall dissuade them with my sword."

"Did ya feel that?" Gin asked then, "another one's gone."

"Yes, Aaroniero's reiatsu has disappeared," Aizen's face did not change as he stated this fact, "and yet, Ivonne's reiatsu is still around, as faint as it is. Many others are missing; they are eliminating each other. Fascinating, there will be less mess to clean up afterwards. Shall we make our way to Szayel's lab to oversee this birth?"

"Oh, I don't want to see _that_, some things are too horrifying to see. I don't think I would survive seeing Ulquiorra smile; that would be the most horrifying of all."

* * *

"Do you even know where we're going?"

"Yes."

"...Are you sure?"

"Yes! It's not like we can ask for directions!" Tesla cried, "whoever we ask will either attack us, or be annoyed that we're distracting them from their own battles."

They hid in a dark cross-hall of the palace; the fighting was far away, but not so far that it was unheard and forgotten. Remnants of past battles, won and lost, were still scattered down the black-and-white-and-red corridors.

"How can you get lost in your own home?" Ivonne cried, "you live here, don't you?"

"You lived here too!"

"Yes, very briefly!" She rolled her eyes, "we need to get to where Nnoitra-sama and Szayel-sama are."

"I'd really rather just escape into the desert, to be honest—"

"I've been thinking about it," Ivonne said slowly, "all this...this fighting is my fault. I need to stop it."

"I told you, you can't defeat Aizen-sama," Tesla's brown eyes were large with fright; he was frightened she wouldn't listen to him, "no, not even with our help. It's a battle you can't win, Ivonne..."

"I know that." Ivonne said. Tesla's eye twitched as his brain imploded.

"Wait...what?"

"I'm not going to fight Aizen," Ivonne said, her voice heavy with an emotion Tesla was unfamiliar with, and hadn't felt in a long time, "the way I see it...this is all my fault. I'm the problem. If we get rid of the problem, the fighting will stop. I'd rather there be peace than a defeated Aizen, and it seems that's the only way."

"Ivonne...you're not saying...?"

"I'll be the sacrifice," Ivonne said, "and with my sacrifice, the rest of you will be free. Don't look like that, Tesla! I'll make a bargain with Aizen; he can do what he wants with me for the freedom of Verena."

"How do you know that Aizen-sama won't lie? He lies, you know!"

"Don't crush my hope, Tesla-kun," Ivonne said with a meagre smile, "besides, I want to see this miracle baby being born. Let's get to Szayel-sama's lab quickly."


	11. The End part Two

Chapter 10 (part 2, also known as Chapter 11): La Fin

(Yes, he's still in labour)

"You broke my scalpel," Szayel whined, gazing at the twisted knife as if he had witnessed a murder, "this was my favourite scalpel!"

"Like...I really care," Nnoitra cried in between winces, "if you didn't catch that...I don't care."

"I didn't take the hierro into account when I planned the c-section," Szayel said slowly, pushing up his white-rimmed glasses while Nnoitra felt like dying on the operating table, "hm, I wonder if using my sword will help; this blade can cut through hierro."

"Just do it already!" Nnoitra cried, "It's been hours, get the fucking kid out of me already!"

"Ah, no need to swear around out child," Szayel said. He gave the broken scalpel to one of his Fraccion, and pulled a red marker out of his sleeve, "alright, we're going to cut right here," he drew a line at the base of Nnoitra's stomach, so that, with his belly button and bare chest, slight resembled a smiley face, "and then I'll stick my hand in there and pull the baby out."

"...Am I sounding unmanly if I feel nervous?"

"Nnoitra-sama!" It was then when Ivonne and Tesla ran into the room, Tesla having refused to let Ivonne walk, and carrying her instead. Nnoitra sat up, or at least attempted to, quickly on the bed, his long legs longer than the bed and falling off the side.

"Ivonne! Tesla! You're alive!"

"Hm, Tesla won against Gin? What madness is this?" Szayel tapped the red marker to his bottom lip with an incredulous smile. Tesla set down Ivonne with a loud sigh.

"No, we ran for it," Tesla said sadly, "I know it wasn't very manly, I'm sorry Nnoitra-sama."

"Hell, what do I care about manliness right now?" Nnoitra cried, wincing in pain and exhaling loudly, "I'm the pregnant one here, I'm not quite the picture of rugged manliness. And neither is Szayel, so don't look at him, either."

"Pink _is _manly, damn it." Szayel said, but he was cut off by another set of people entering the room; Aizen and Gin. The silver-haired man fingered his sword's hilt with his signature smile plastered across his face. Aizen was staring at Ivonne, his face emotionless with not even a scowl.

"We are graced by your presence, Aizen-sama?" Szayel twittered nervously, pretending to be occupied by his scalpels.

"I want this to be a peaceful time." Aizen said.

"Like hell it's peaceful..." Nnoitra growled.

"I know and you know you just want to kill me," Ivonne said, "so why don't you just come and kill me."

"If I were to kill you, it would put Nnoitra in more stress," Aizen smiled slyly, "so I will abstain from your annelation for the time being. Once the baby is safely in my care..."

"Hey, uh, Aizen-sama," Nnoitra started, "about that...you said you'd raise Verena?"

"And I plan to."

"...uh," Nnoitra looked to Szayel, who looked back empathetically, "I wanted to ask you...since she is Szayel and I's daughter, we'd really like to have a chance to raise her. It seems to me—ow."

"Maybe you could make a point if you could finish your sentence," Gin laughed, "you seem to be distracted by labour pains."

"You want to be the main caregivers to the baby?"

"Her name is Verena Sofia Jiruga," Szayel said, bluntly slamming down the scalpel he had been examining. The room went silent, "we did name her. I'll have you know Sofia was _my _choice, but she get's Nnoitra's last name since, well, Nnoitra did have to go through it all."

"No need to get upset, Szayel, I thought this was just an experiment," Aizen said slowly, "I—oh, Ivonne?" He scowled as Ivonne came in front of him, her golden eyes fiery, her beautiful face screwed up with a frown.

"I think he has the right to get upset!" She cried, pulling out her sword, "you want to use her from the time she's born! How fair is that? At least we lived before we became under you control; Verena will never know this. I want her to live a...well, as normal a life she can have under the circumstances, and I will sacrifice anything to get it."

"Ha! That's a lot coming from the cowardly traitor who ran from us twice," Gin said, "you won't even fight for what you believe in, why should we even give you the time of day? If you want something bad enough, you have to plan for it long ahead of time, and fight for it until the end. But you also need to have the means to execute it. From what I see here is a banged up girl with a sword and nowhere to go."

"This is true," Aizen said with a bemused smile on his handsome face (along with the bitch-curl, that is), "is it funny that what _I_ want is you to be gone."

"Then...then I'll make a deal with you," she said, glancing nervously to Tesla, who looked like he was going to pass out, "you take my freedom for Verena's freedom."

"What do you mean, Ivonne?" Aizen asked, still smiling. Ivonne was certain he knew exactly what she meant.

"You can do whatever you want to me," Ivonne said, "as long as Verena and Nnoitra-sama and Szayel-sama stay safe. And don't touch my Tesla, either."

"That's a lot for just your life," Aizen said slowly, looking to the ground as he strode closer. Ivonne kept her ground, trying to look fierce. She did look fierce; in the same way a baby sheep did, "now, I could accept your offer, and kill you, and leave little _Verena_ alone and loose this powerful item I've been looking forward to for _so _long."

"Don't worry...I'm pretty sure you're gonna see her soon." Nnoitra muttered in the corner.

"Or I can kill you now and I wouldn't have to worry about losing my new power," Aizen looked up at the ex-Espada and smiled, "I think I'll go with the latter."

"No!" Tesla cried, jumping in front of Ivonne.

"Really, Tesla, this chivalrousness was cute in the beginning but now it's becoming cliché." Aizen said flatly.

"Aizen-sama!" Tesla cried, "this is in your best interest! Outside these doors, everyone is fighting because of this baby. Half the Espada are going to eventually be wiped out! What if Verena isn't as strong as you're hoping? You're risking most of your fighting force for this. I'm sure if you just let Verena grow up before adding her to the Espada...well, everyone would be happy about that. The Arrancar in Las Noches would stop fighting, and we'd be where we started. Ivonne doesn't have to die, either; she's just here to make sure Verena is safe."

"That's true," Ivonne said, seemingly regaining herself and speaking with confidence again, "I'm not going to hurt you, Aizen-sama."

"Hm, this does cause a problem, having no way to actually deliver the baby..." Szayel rubbed his chin curiously, "hm, what are your thoughts?"

"So now you respect me because you are fearful for your life," Aizen said, "you still stand in my way, Ivonne. Even if I let you live, how do I know you won't cause more trouble for me?"

"Er, Aizen-sama," Nnoitra moaned, "c-can you listen to Szayel please?"

"Hey, looks like Nnoitra's gonna explode." Gin said.

"This is true," Szayel said, "well, unless we find an acceptable way to cut him open..."

"I can cut him open just fine." Gin smiled like the crazed maniac he was. Szayel rolled his eyes.

"Really, you think your little super-shrinking sword could do a better job than mine? Besides, he's mine. I could cut him up whenever I want," His own smile out-crazed Gin by a long shot, "yes, let's get this baby out already." He pulled out his sword, _Fornicaras_, as held it in front of him as if he were measuring something unseen. Then, with his own maniacal smile, he lunged forward and swiped, cutting a perfect line across the bottom of Nnoitra's abdomen like a professional swordsman.

"Ah!" Nnoitra cried, falling back in pain, "yo, that kills! I thought you froze me!"

"Yes, it seems local anaesthetic doesn't penetrate hierro either. Who would have though, hm? Oh, don't whine like that, it's nearly over."

"I think I'm going to pass out." Nnoitra said.

"That would be helpful, maybe then you'd lay still." Szayel said, pulling on a pair of rubber gloves.

"Oh god, I don't think I can watch." Gin said, his face gray. Aizen stood next to him, his own face bleak.

"Ah! It's so beautiful!" Ivonne cried. Tesla looked like he, too, was about to faint.

"You ready, my love?" Szayel asked Nnoitra, who certainly didn't object. Then, much to everyone's utter disgust (or Nnoitra's relief), he reached into the cut, and pulled out a healthy-sized baby girl by the leg. She was covered with all the usual stuff babies are covered in when they're born, and looked just about as surprised with the crowd as the crowd was with her. Then she started to cry.

"Would you look at that?" Szayel said, his eyes wide behind his glasses.

"Oh my god she's blue!" Nnoitra cried, breaking the stunned silence, aside from the screaming baby, of course.

"She's not blue, you're just freaking out." Szayel had flipped the baby over so he was holding her by the armpits. In a flash, he had handed her to a Fraccion and grabbed a pair of surgical scissors, "you want to cut the cord, Aizen-sama?"

"N-no." Aizen stammered, sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, his cheeks turning bright red, "you're the expert, Szayel."

"Well I suppose I am the father," he said brightly. He cut the cord quickly, surprised when it cut with normal steel, then wrapped the baby in a pink blanket a Fraccion had brought forward. Then he held his daughter and smiled, "she's got my pink hair, Nnoitra."

"Oh...fuck..." Nnoitra moaned, really not wanting to look down at the bloody mess that was his stomach, "no, no, bring her here, you're hogging her! I want to see her! _Ivonne shouldn't get to see her before me!_"

"Certainly," Szayel said, beeline-ing from his course to a tearful Ivonne back to Nnoitra, "isn't she gorgeous?"

"Yeah, I did a good job," It was then that Nnoitra finally got to hold his baby; she was the smallest living thing he had held in years. He felt like crying, but seeing as Gin was there, he didn't want to de-masculine himself any further. His tear ducts had dried up years ago, anyways, "Verena Sofia, huh?"

She looked up at him with giant amber eyes, chubby cheeks, and a single tuff of dark pink hair. She was a sturdy size, with long, skinny limbs for a newborn. She looked rather upset to be out in the cold open, though she had finally stopped crying. She gazed up in wild wonder at Nnoitra and Szayel, a look of disgust on her tiny face. Her tiny hands were clenched up next to her face; each arm bore three pure-white bracelets that were her hollow mask. She had a hollow hole, as well, on her chest, halfway between her upper body and her belly button.

"Isn't she just perfect?" Szayel gushed, "now to make her smile..."

"I feel ripped off." Nnoitra said.

"Huh?"

"She looks so much like you! This is not fair!" Nnoitra cried. He sighed, then, and smiled, "I wouldn't change it for the world, though."

"Yeah, yeah," Gin yawned, "maternal Spoony is super boring, dude. Are we gonna take her or what, Aizen-sama?"

"I..."Aizen's face was blank and white as a sheet. He breezed past Tesla, who was still so gray he looked dead, and made his way to Nnoitra's side. The ex-shinigami also pushed past Szayel, who did not take it so kindly.

"Hm! You'd like to think I'd let you take her so easily!"

"You're becoming quite valiant, there, Szayel," Aizen said, shoving the pink-haired out of the way, "don't you worry. You can keep your little experiment. I can see it was a success."

"You're telling me..."Nnoitra mumbled. Fraccion were gathered around his waist, sewing up the long cut Verena had just come out of with surgical steel string; he really didn't want to watch.

"You're not going to take her?" Ivonne cried, taking a step closer, much to Tesla's dismay.

"Ivonne..." he whined, trying to grab her hand and pull her back to his side, but she kept going towards Aizen.

"No," Aizen said, "I don't need to change her at all; I can already feel her reiatsu and she's only a few moments old. So, granted you two don't completely screw her up, I don't see a problem with you raising her. Don't you hear that?"

"Hear what, Aizen-sama?" Szayel asked, "I don't hear anything?"

"Exactly," Aizen said, a small smile on his face as he offered Verena his finger. At first she stared at it curiously, then took it in her own little fist, causing everyone to go 'awh', "all my dear Espada have stopped fighting," Aizen said, "because they could hear her crying. If she can stop the Espada by just creating noise, imagine when she actually fights. It seems to me she's a lot stronger than I expected. She's perfect, so we will leave her alone; I won't take her, not now, at least."

"Babies make people soft." Gin said, twirling his sword and sliding it back into the hilt, "shall we go, then, Captain?"

"Yes, well then," Aizen cleared his throat, mumbling something about 'not being soft, but the baby is damn cute', and walking back towards Gin, "we still have to deal with Ivonne. Just because the Espada have stopped for now, doesn't mean this one can't rile them up again."

"I-I won't!" Ivonne cried, "no, I swear, Aizen-sama. I just want Verena to be safe. And now that I see that she is...I can leave now."

"Damn, it's a lot less exciting when they don't put up a fight. What has gotten into everyone?" Gin threw his arms into the air, sighing, "I swear, I'm the only brutish one left...except Yammi, but he's just stupid like that."

"Gin, please," Aizen waved at Gin to be quiet, "what do you mean 'leave now', Ivonne?"

"Well, I had been thinking about it. It's obvious I'm not welcome here, and that's fine by me, because I hate it here," she sighed, nervously smoothing out the wrinkles in her skirt, "I know what you did for us, Aizen-sama, was great and all, but Hueco Mundo, and especially Las Noches, is not for me. I miss the human world, were everything breathes, and has a life with glorious colours. Even though I can never be a part of that again...I still love to watch them. So, instead of killing me, which seems foolish to me, just let me go to the human world? I'd still be out of your way, and I swear, I'll never come back here, again," she added darkly, "if I do, you can kill me if you wish."

"As much as I'd like to kill you, since at least that would be certain," Aizen started slowly, rubbing his chin, "I'm in such a mood that I really don't feel like going through the hassle. Just get out of my sight," He turned and left the room, pausing at the door once he had opened it, saying "ah, the Espada have come to visit," Then he was gone down the hall, Gin on his heels, "we'd better find Kaname."

The Espada had been standing just outside the door, listening in. Now the door hung wide open, and the group stood staring at the dishevelled four, everyone's faces filled with shock.

"Uh, you guys can come in...?" Nnoitra said, mostly distracted by the baby. The Espada shuffled in, or at least, what was left of them; Starrk, Harribel, who was covered in blood, Barragan, Ulquiorra, who didn't look as happy or shocked as anyone else, and Yammi, who seemed to be missing an arm. Nnoitra sadly remembered why Grimmjow wasn't there. _I'm pretty sure I didn't kill him_, he thought to himself as the group scuttled forward,_ but I felt like I was dying; I shouldn't be held responsible for anything that happened while in labour._

"So this is who we were fighting over," Starrk grunted, yawning sleepily, "it better not keep me up all night."

"Heh, I'm sure she won't..." Szayel said, "I think...er, hope."

"Yeah, and when she's older, she can play with Lilynette," Starrk went on, "that kid has no friends...such a loner...hey, is that a bed?"

"How cute," Barragan said, his arms crossed, looking like a charmed old grandpa, "oh come here, sweetie—ah!" Nnoitra pulled her away as Barragan came in to pinch her cheeks.

"Yeah, I'd rather you don't...I don't want her to turn to dust or anything, you know?"

"Nnoitra!" Szayel said, "here, let me hold Verena; I think at this point I'm a little more sane than you are." Nnoitra wasn't looking all there; even less sane than Szayel, which was quite the comparison, and was mumbling like he was drunk, "you look like Wonderweiss right now...oh, hm, it looks like the pain medicine has started to work. Now give me the baby before you confuse her for a football."

"No!" Nnoitra cradled her, sticking his tongue out at Szayel. She was still naked, and the blanket wasn't so good, being covered in goo.

"Nnoitra, don't yell, you'll upset her," Szayel said, "let me take her; I need to weigh her and suck, and put that pink hat Tia made on her."

"Yes, the hat. Put the hat on her." Tia said, or rather, demanded.

"Okay, fine," Nnoitra grumpily passed Verena over to Szayel, "be careful, kay? Watch her head. I don't trust you; I actually read that book Aizen-sama gave me. And don't let gramps there touch her..." he slowly reclined back in the bed, folding his arms behind his head like he used to, dreaming of an Espada outfit that fit, "and Szayel?"

"Yes?"

"I think her name, her last name, should be hyphenated. Verena Sofia Jiruga-Grantz sounds a lot better, 'cause nothing goes with Jiruga."

"You'd like her to have my name," Szayel smiled breathlessly, as Ulquiorra made faces at the little girl, making her laugh for the first time, "that's...so touching. I feel like I almost have a heart. Nnoitra-kun, that seems so unlike you, but maybe I'm too used to grumpy, perverted spoon, instead of the new, slightly bent one," When there was no reply to such a comment, the scientist turned back towards his love, and he was now sure it was love, a faint smile on his face, "Nnoitra...?"

He had passed out from exhaustion; snoring deeply with a smile on his face. For once, the smile wasn't completely perverted, but rather happy. Szayel laughed, walked over to his side, and kissed him on the top of the head.

"There's nothing I can say that wouldn't sound corny," He whispered under his breath, "but I'm quite happy with how this experiment turned out. I would even call it a success, hm, but let's hope Verena doesn't turn out like you; god knows I don't need two of you."

* * *

"I should say goodbye," Ivonne said, "seeing as I'm about to...leave Hueco Mundo forever..." She stood outside the palace, at the edge of the desert, the wind blowing her long black hair every which way, her face screwed up in a frown.

"No, goodbye is such a harsh word," Tesla said, standing next to her, holding her hand in his own, "I mean, I'll come visit you and stuff. It's not like I won't see you ever again. Goodbye is such a harsh word."

"This is a harsh place, why not use such a word?" She looked out towards the blank nothingness, missing the human world more and more, but she knew she'd miss Tesla even more than that, "I miss the human world. It's so much kinder than this place."

"I wish I could go with you," Tesla sighed, "then I'd know you were safe...and we could play strip poker whenever we wanted. I mean, I think you'd still win, but I don't really mind."

"Why don't you come with me?" Ivonne said with her normal devious smile, "then I wouldn't be alone, and we'd be happy."

"Uh, I'm still Nnoitra-sama's Fraccion, even if you aren't. I don't think he'll like it if I ran away." Tesla looked back at the palace, half expecting Nnoitra's fist to come flying to drag him away.

"I wouldn't be me if I didn't plan ahead," Ivonne smiled, "I already asked him."

"What?"

"Yep!" Ivonne laughed, "sure, he was slightly out of his mind with all those drugs and exhaustion, but he said, and I quote 'yeah, sure, Tesla can go screw himself'. That's a yes to me, right?" she sighed, her smile fading, "besides, he's got Szayel and Verena now. So I can have you all to myself."

"I'd like that." Tesla smiled, his face turning red.

"You're too cute," Ivonne said. A smile played at the corners of her mouth as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He smiled too, before kissing her on the lips, "hah," she said, "I thought I'd have to kiss you, finally."

"Hey, I stood up to Aizen-sama, kissing a girl isn't so hard, even if she's the prettiest girl in all of Las Noches."

"That's true," Ivonne laughed, "if you're so confident now, why is your face so red?"

"Eh, old habits die hard." He said sheepishly. Ivonne smiled.

"Come on, let's go." She said, grabbing his hand. In an instant, she had opened the portal between worlds, and entered, dragging him along with her, "you know, they say life's an adventure. The afterlife should be one, too."


	12. Epilogue

Epilogue

"Ah, it feels so nice to have the spoon back," Nnoitra said, folding his arms behind his head, "it's totally..._me _you know?"

"Yes," Szayel said, "and Verena's asleep, and we can finally relax!" He smiled, holding Nnoitra's hand.

"Oh, yeah." Nnoitra said, sighing. Szayel stared at him.

"...you do know where Verena is, right? You haven't lost her...again?"

"Grimmjow's babysitting, I told you." Nnoitra

"You're letting _Grimmjow_ babysit? I thought we said only Harribel could babysit...I don't trust Grimmjow, he tried to kill us once."

"Harribel's tried to kill me before," Nnoitra said, "besides, he's got Gin with him."

"Oh, because that makes it so much better!" Szayel jumped up off Nnoitra's bed, "you're so irresponsible."

"No!" Nnoitra cried, nearly falling off the bed trying to catch Szayel's arm, "but...we were in the bed...together...and not asleep!"

"I don't trust Grimmjow."

"Hey, he was pretty sorry once he healed up and saw Verena," Nnoitra whined, "he likes her, Szayel, he _likes _to spend time with her! _Who are we to destroy this_?"

"Be quiet," Szayel said, putting his uniform back on, "you're coming with me! Put your pants back on."

"Awh, man..." Nnoitra knew he was defeated. Grumbling, he got dressed in his Espada uniform once more and followed Szayel down the hall like a dog following his owner. They walked down the hall towards Grimmjow's domain, though even from far away, they could hear the excited screams of a little girl. Szayel seemed to relax a little; as long as they weren't screams of pain or horror, it was fine. They came to his door together, giggles coming from under the door.

"See, it seems fine to me." Nnoitra said, knocking on the door. Szayel looked at him sourly.

"It could be...a pre-recorded tape." Szayel said, not even himself, just as Grimmjow opened the door.

"Oh, hey," he said, wearing peanut-butter and jam all over his white jacket and pants, "Nnoitra, I thought you wanted me to babysit 'cause you were gonna be busy...or get busy..."

"Ah!" Szayel cried, "where's Verena?"

"Right here," Grimmjow said, side-stepping so that the parents could see into the room. A little coffee table was set up in the middle of the blue and white room, set with teacups and a teapot. There were four pillows around the table, three of them occupied by Gin, Aizen, who was happily sipping tea, and a pink haired, tall girl about four years of age. She was pouring tea into Gin's cup carefully, biting her bottom lip, her big amber eyes concentrating. Then, as if sensing something, she looked up, her face brightening instantly.

"Daddy!" She squealed, "Mama!"

"Ahhh," Nnoitra said, as the little girl dropped the teapot and took a flying leap into his arms, "Szayel, I want to know why I'm still _Mama, _when we've been correcting her since she was two..."

"Are you okay, Verena?" Szayel asked, ignoring Nnoitra. He stared suspiciously at the wall, which had a curious circular burn mark. The little girl nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes! Yes!" She said, "I was jus' playin' tea party with Uncle Gin and Uncle Aizen! And Uncle Grimm-Kitty too, but then he got up and answered the door and you were here!"

"She ceroed the wall again." Gin said, pointing to the burn mark, "you gonna have to pay for that."

"That's good, honey," Szayel said, fixing her long pink hair, which was falling out of its braid. Neither Szayel nor Nnoitra knew how to braid, but Ulquiorra was good at it, and tended to braid her hair with purple ribbon a lot. Szayel turned to Grimmjow, "hurt my child and I'll kill you."

"She likes me," Grimmjow said, "right Versus? Wanna play tea party with Uncle Gin and Uncle Aizen and I?"

"Yes!" Verena squealed, shooting her arms into the air, throwing herself into Grimmjow's arms, "I wanna play with them, Daddy!"

"Alright," Szayel said, his face still sour, "as long as you play nice..."

"I will!" Verena cried, "I will! An' Uncle Starrk said Lily was gonna come later. I like playin' with her!"

"Have fun," Nnoitra said, smiling, "now, if you'll excuse us, gentlemen..."

"Yes, I suppose we do have a promised event." Szayel said, grabbing Nnoitra's arm and leading him away.

"Ah, yes," Aizen called from his spot next to Gin at the table, his fingers drumming on his little tea cup, "Szayel, tell me later if last night's experiment was a success."

"Experiment? Last night?" Nnoitra said, "...wait! No, don't tell me this is...you better be kidding me!"

"Oh, don't worry about what he says," Szayel said sweetly, fluttering his eyebrows, "besides, if it were that, again, you needn't worry. I've done my job already."

"You agree, then, that one is enough for me?" Nnoitra said, "because I really don't wanna go through that again. I mean, yeah it was a few years ago, but...god, I feel sick just thinking about it."

"Hm," Szayel smiled playfully, "you're feeling sick? Are you sure it's just from the thought?"

"What?" Nnoitra's face went white as Szayel disappeared back into their room, "Szayel..._Szayel you better be fucking kidding me!_" He stared at the door, banging his head against it hopelessly, "...ah _shit..._"

_La Fin_


End file.
